By Lavern & Ronda Nissley

How often do you experience unmet relationship expectations? Have you noticed that even a few unmet expectations can feel like a wet blanket over an otherwise good thing?

After almost 42 years of marriage, both of us can point to a lengthy list of disappointments in each other. Generally speaking, all disappointments are the result of unmet expectations. 

What if we adjusted our expectations to more realistic levels. Like from being met 100 percent of the time to, say 70 percent of the time?

By Lavern Nissley

Forgiveness isn't easy, but it's so necessary to avoid living in confinement or "in prison".

This brief video clip comes from the TV show Code Black. Dr. Leanne Rorish visits the man in prison who killed her husband and two children as a drunk driver. Notice their use of the word "prison" to describe their pre-forgiveness situation.

By Lavern Nissley
(Personal reflections on a favorite pastime with Ronda)

Today is the 10th anniversary of our tandem recumbent bicycle maiden voyage. Since then we’ve logged 11,742 miles and 740 hours, 43 minutes on this bike that keeps us inseparable and fairly comfortable.

By Lavern Nissley

One of the ruts couples and families can run into is asking the same questions of each other, well-meaning as they may be. Rut question. Rut answer. "Fine."

A recent blog post I read by Ann Malmberg from PREPARE/ENRICH had a title that caught my attention. "5 Questions to Replace 'How was your day?'" You'll see several in a minute, but the post got me thinking of a list of other questions that are a bit out of the ordinary.

By Lavern Nissley

Before my annual check-up each year my primary care doctor sends me to a lab to draw blood for several different panels. These include CBC with Auto Differential, Comprehensive Metabolic Panel, TSH without Reflex, Lipid Panel, and PSA Screening.  Dozens of levels are then sent to him electronically for analysis and communication to me.

There are also the basic metrics of temperature, pulse, oxygen level, and blood pressure that are secured during the actual visit.  I'm so grateful to be able to keep an eye on these many different levels that affect my health and that can trigger early warnings if needed.

Keeping relationships healthy also involves some way of capturing a current snapshot of how things really are. Ronda and I do this via a relationship assessment every several years just to make sure we're not missing anything that could create issues or problems for us.

Completing a relationship assessment is a great way to say, "We care about our relationship, and we want to know what's going well and what we need to work on to be at full health."

At Encompass, we've recently developed a simple 5-10 minute online assessment in conjunction with The RINGS Experience that is totally FREE and available for couples to use.

​By Lavern Nissley

Our good friends Dr. David and Theresa Mabry are doing great work on behalf of marriage relationships. Formerly from Springfield, they now live in Powell, Ohio just north of Columbus. It's so fulfilling to see them working together in a ministry they co-direct, One Another Marriage.

David and Theresa have extensive experience as retreat speakers, marriage coaches, relationship educators, and marriage trainers. David has an earned doctorate from Ashland Theological Seminary. His dissertation research was focused on healthy marriages, Prepare Enrich, and the church. Their desire is to see marriages not just survive, but thrive.

In the past several years they have developed many relationship strengthening materials, and we'd like to give you a brief sample of a recent YouTube video of them sharing 5 tips for better communication . . . to go beyond the "business" that many couples can get bogged down in. They use the metaphor of a balanced diet like "the 5 food groups."

Check it out!

By Lavern Nissley

There is something good and infectious about a good laugh. The other day, on Ronda's birthday, we had a brief exchange that led us both to laughter.

Me: "I think you look good in your birthday suit."
Ronda: "It has wrinkles."
Me: "But it looks good on you."
Ronda: "I guess it still fits."

While intuitively it would seem that "laughter is the best medicine", there are some interesting findings on how it affects romantic and marriage relationships.

​By Lavern Nissley

In April, 2016 John and Julie Balzer completed the RINGS Experience and then requested follow up step-family mentoring. Both had gone through previous marriage failures and wanted to ensure health in their current marriage journey. They completed most of their mentoring sessions before their wedding in mid-June, 2016.

Let's listen in to their reflections. They are pretty specific and tangible on how they've been affected by gaining emotional intelligence and relationship literacy.

By Lavern Nissley
(With personal reflections from Gloria Hoover)

DeLynn Hoover was a pretty memorable kind of guy. I had the pleasure of working together with him and his wife, Gloria, for seven years at Vineyard Northridge as he oversaw the youth group and Gloria directed the children's ministry. For the past 15 or so years the two of them have been directing a youth missions training camp in Costa Rica, a thriving location that Ronda and I have visited the past three Decembers to lead relationship skills training.

DeLynn died suddenly and unexpectedly last week of a heart attack in Honduras at the way too young age of 48. The news sent shock waves and grief through the many circles of acquaintances in the United States and Central America. It was one of those times many of us were feeling and saying, "No, please, no!"

His funeral service was live streamed on Facebook July 14 with over 650 viewers. Hundreds of people posted their reflections and memories, as well as prayers of comfort for Gloria and immediate family and staff.

Of the many things DeLynn was known for (constantly joking, driving aggressively, pushing people out of their comfort zones), a beautiful legacy he has left is a healthy, vitalized marriage. I'd like you to hear from Gloria as she reflects on his kindness to her and her last morning with him.

By Ronda Nissley
 
“America’s Leaders Can’t Agree on Reopening Protocols. Neither Can Families”. The headline from a Wall Street Journal article caught my attention. 

I had just engaged in a rather tense interchange with a sister on whether it was OK for her to fly from Florida to Ohio to visit our 90-year old parents in a congregate facility. I thought it was too risky and suggested she simply wave at them on the balcony. She thought I was being ridiculous and over-protective. I pointed out that many states were requiring travelers from Florida to quarantine for 2 weeks. 

It appears these conversations have become quite common within families and have become as polarizing as politics. As the article states, “Behind all the confusion are thousands of conversations and arguments every day in households across America about how to do the right thing—with disagreements on what that is.” It has become a balancing act between caution and connection.

I'm sharing several principles I need to remind myself of daily.