Are you compatible?

By ​Dr. David Marine Mabry
Encompass Executive Director

Are you and your partner compatible? We define compatibility as two people sharing like-mindedness and a friendship with one another through all challenges and all the blessings of your relationship while maximizing who each of you may be. “Free to be you and free to me” while working as one. It’s important to be compatible with your spouse so you can work together as a team in all areas of life. With greater compatibility, you will have a greater impact on the world around you. You will experience greater happiness and satisfaction. You will be strengthened in your relationship to push through together when inevitable conflicts and challenges arise. ​

There may be stages of your relationship where you’ve felt more compatible than others. You most likely thought you were perfect for one another at the beginning. But maybe after years of marriage, kids, careers, and life, the connection feels a little out of whack. But don’t worry; it’s not lost forever!  If that’s where you are today, we want to encourage you with some tips to build your compatibility with one another while not losing your sense of self.  
 

1. Check your heart - Could some self-seeking or self-centeredness in your heart take away your focus from your partner? What are the motives within you? Ask yourself, “Am I setting aside the best of myself for my partner or am I reserving the best for me? Am I offering my uniqueness as a complementary aspect of our relationship 
2.  Remember what brought you together in the first place - What was the connection that drew you to your partner when you first met? There was something deeper than physical appearance. Maybe you share a hobby or interest or have similar values and morals. You could have been drawn to them because they have a similar background and experience to you, or maybe you loved how different they were. Remind yourself what attracted you to them at the start. 
3. Seek out resources to strengthen your relationship - Find a marriage book or podcast to study and discuss together. Seek out marriage coaches to provide you with tools to strengthen your relationship. If you need more in-depth help, consult with a marriage counselor. You are not alone. Take advantage of the many resources out there. The RINGS Experience
4. Break out of your routine - Maybe the problem isn’t a lack of compatibility, but perhaps things have just gotten a little stale. Do something new, plan something fun, take a trip or just visit a park for the afternoon. Shake things up a bit with your partner and create some memories. 
5. Maximize your differences - Do you feel the lack of compatibility is a result of being so different from your spouse? Then celebrate those differences! Each of you has a unique set of blessings and advantages. Share them with one another. Be willing to learn from your partner and teach them something new as well. 
   
6. Do good together for others - Take your eyes off your relationship and turn your attention outward. Don’t worry about what you’re getting out of it but discover how you can give back to others. Serving together with the gifts you bring to the table is a great way to feel fulfilled, create intimacy, and share time and interests with your spouse.   

 
Don’t get discouraged if you feel out of sync with your partner. Bring who you are while freeing your partner up to be who they are. Marriage is hard work, but it is so worth it! 

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