Extreme Communication: More than words

​By: Theresa Mabry
Encompass Director of Operations

In 1990, the band Extreme hit the charts with the timeless classic, More Than Words. Beyond being a catchy hair band song, the lyrics convey that the spoken “I love you” needs to be backed up with actions. That is often easier said than done. This blog post will share five actions to strengthen and maintain good communication in your relationship.

1. Touch base daily. Many couples prioritize spending time with one another, but once kids, careers, and busy schedules are thrown into the mix, some days, you feel more like ships passing in the night. Couples need to be deliberate in taking the time to communicate and build intimacy with one another daily. By making time for each other, you can avoid getting into a rut that’s hard to undo.
   
2. Develop a deeper level of communication than just business. When you get to the point where your conversation topics with your spouse only consist of work, kids, and schedules, dig a little deeper. Those items must be addressed, but make room for personal and more intimate topics.
   
3. Be fully engaged when your partner wants to communicate. You don’t want someone half-listening or distracted by other things when talking to them; neither does your partner. They may begin to pull back if they feel you’re not engaged as they’re talking to you. Be a safe place where they trust that they will be heard.  
   
4. Give permission to use the right tools. We are all about skills-based solutions at Encompass Connection Center and love sharing these tools with our couples. When conflicts arise, or you encounter barriers to communication, there are a variety of tools that may help. Work together to determine which is the best for your particular situation.
   
5. Practice healthy assertiveness and active listening. This is one of the tools that we recommend in all situations. Sometimes assertiveness is confused with aggression, but they’re not the same. Assertiveness is the ability to speak up for yourself in a way that is honest and respectful. Active listening is repeating back what you heard them say so they know you heard them correctly. This method assures that you can say what you think and feel and trust that you’ve been heard. It’s a way of giving one another permission to be honest.  

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These steps may be completely foreign for some couples who struggle with communication.
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 If so, we suggest introducing them one at a time. Employing them doesn’t mean you will always agree with one another, but your relationship will benefit every time you exercise healthy communication. If so, you will more likely rock your marriage to the Extreme with “More Than Words!”

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