Freedom in forgiveness

By: Cindee Johnson
​Relationship Champion and Encompass Partner

free·dom
/ˈfrēdəm/
 
noun: freedom

1. the power or right to act, speak, or think as one wants without hindrance or restraint.

 
Is that how you define freedom?
 
Freedom can mean something different to each of us. It can mean being able to vote for specific ideals or for people who best represent your views. Freedom can mean the ability to voice your opinion freely. It may mean the opportunity to travel where you want, read what you want, look how you want. Maybe, for you, freedom is no financial debt. Or being free from all oppression.
 
What does freedom mean to you?
​

 
Corrie Ten Boom worked against the Nazis in World War II, hiding Jews in her home. When she was caught, she was sent to a concentration camp where she was stripped of her dignity, saw her father and sister Betsie die, and suffered unbelievable cruelty. She was a prisoner. She had no freedom. Yet, once she was rescued, once she was free, she wasn’t. In her writings, she explained…
 
“It was at a church service in Munich that I saw him, the former S.S. man who had stood guard at the shower door in the processing center at Ravensbruck. He was the first of our actual jailers I had seen since that time. And suddenly it was all there—the roomful of mocking men, the heaps of clothing, Betsie’s pain-blanched face.
 
He came up to me as the church was emptying, beaming and bowing. ‘How grateful I am for your message, Fraulein.’ He said. ‘To think that, as you say, He has washed my sins away!’
 
His hand was thrust out to shake mine. And I, who preached so often to the people in Bloemendaal the need to forgive, kept my hand at my side.
 
Even as the angry, vengeful thoughts boiled through me, I saw the sin of them. Jesus Christ had died for this man; was I going to ask for more? Lord Jesus, I prayed, forgive me and help me to forgive him.
 
I tried to smile, I struggled to raise my hand. I could not. I felt nothing, not the slightest spark of warmth or charity. And so again I breathed a silent prayer. Jesus, I cannot forgive him. Give me your forgiveness.
 
As I took his hand the most incredible thing happened. From my shoulder along my arm and through my hand a current seemed to pass from me to him, while into my heart sprang a love for this stranger that almost overwhelmed me.”
 
Unforgiveness had taken Corrie’s freedom. Forgiveness set her free. One of the best ways to understand the freedom of forgiveness is to unpack what it is not.
 
Forgiveness is not…
 

• Forgetting about the offense: Forgiveness is not about erasing the memory, but about healing it.
• Diminishing the severity of the offense: It's important to not minimize a hurtful experience.
• Condoning or excusing what the offender did: Most offenders have been hurt themselves. That's every single of us. But hurting others never is excusable.
• Dépendent upon the offender’s apology: We may never get an apology, so basing forgiveness upon someone else's action puts us in bondage to them.
• Absolving the offender’s guilt: This really isn't our realm; it is a spiritual as well as a legal issue.
• Necessarily reconciling with the offender: Reconciliation requires two parties; forgiveness requires just one—you.
• Being pain-free of the offense: Even with support and counseling, it's still normal to feel pain; usually it can subside with time.
• An automatic restoration of trust: Forgiving someone doesn't mean you trust them or that you should      trust them; the best remedy for broken trust is demonstrated trustworthiness by the offender.

 
If unforgiveness has taken your freedom, forgiveness will set you free. 
​

  Struggling with unforgiveness in your relationship? Take our assessment! 
     Free Relationship Assessments