​How to Be a Good In-Law When Your Child Has a Family of Their Own

By Encompass Outreach Group

When you get married, you get your first experience of having in-laws with your partner’s parents. This can often be a time filled with frustration and complications. However, once you have children and they grow up, get married, and have families of their own, you suddenly become the mother-in-law or father-in-law that you once had to deal with. Here’s how to be a good in-law when your child has a family of their own:

Do’s

• Do Try to Bond With Your Son-In-Law or Daughter-In-Law - Start off on the right foot and try to create a bond with your son-in-law or daughter-in-law. Learn more about them and take an interest in the things they like. Try to be inclusive and welcoming when you get together, especially around the holidays when they may be missing their own family traditions.

 

• Do Set Healthy Boundaries - Setting and accepting healthy boundaries is very important to in-law relations, especially for things like coming over to visit, watching children, and helping out. You want to support your child and their partner, but also give them space to live and parent as they see fit. This includes planning ahead so your child’s family has plenty of time to schedule, only helping when you are asked to, and always getting permission before stopping by their house.

 
Don’ts

• Don’t Tell Them What to Do - Don’t tell your child and their spouse what or how to do things, especially when it comes to raising their own children. Think back to when you first became a parent and how you felt when someone said you should be raising your child another way. Even being helpful can sound like criticism and come off as you judging them.

 

• Don’t Take Up Too Much of Their Time - Don’t take up too much of their time or make everything about you. You must prepare yourself for things to change and to share your child with his or her partner. They now have a new life to spend together and, while you are still an important part of it, you are not the focal point anymore.

 
Encompass Connection Center helps couples learn how to resolve conflict, including conflict with in-laws, and create fulfilling, productive relationships. We offer a free relationship assessment to determine your relationship’s strengths and potential threats, some of which might stem from your relationships with your in-laws. For more help, look into our RINGS Experience, which includes marriage strengthening exercises and a coaching model to help build real intimacy and growth skills.

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