​How To Deal With Disrespectful In-Laws

By Encompass Outreach Group

When you first get married, it’s a time full of excitement and hope for the new life you are going to share with your partner. However, that excitement can quickly fade once you start spending more time with your in-laws. Some in-laws are great, making it easy to get along with them and spend time together. But, in many situations, in-laws can be rude, condescending, and downright disrespectful.

​Here are some of the best ways to deal with disrespectful in-laws:

• Unite With Your Partner - The first and most important thing to do when your in-laws are disrespectful toward you is talk to your partner about it. Communicate what is happening and how it is making you feel. This will ensure that you are both on the same page and you can present a united front in the future if the behavior continues.

 

• Communicate With Your In-Laws - After talking to your partner, be sure to also communicate with your in-laws directly, but make sure to do so privately and not in public with other people around. It may be awkward to tell them point-blank that they are disrespecting you, so one alternative is to work to make sure they feel heard and appreciated. Ask them for advice or how they prefer to do things. Taking an interest in them can go a long way in stopping disrespectful behavior. However, if you are comfortable with it, you can also be more stern and defend yourself (but try to avoid getting into an argument).

 

• Set Boundaries - Another action you can take with disrespectful in-laws is to set boundaries with them. This will also be much easier if you and your partner present a united front. Create rules for your own house and life that your in-laws must adhere to, like no unannounced pop-overs, you and your partner having the final say in parenting decisions, and other similar boundaries.

 

• Distance Yourself - If you are still being disrespected by your in-laws after trying to resolve the situation, you may have to consider distancing yourself from them. This can be done by simply sitting at the other side of the table or by only joining in a few, select family functions. This way, you can let your partner be a bridge between you and avoid any further disrespect.

 

• Don’t Be Hard On Yourself - It could end up that none of these actions bring about any changes. It may be hard to give up the idea of a happy family where everyone gets along, but you must remember that it is not your fault. Try to have a sense of humor about everything, not get offended, try your best, and realize that there’s just no changing how some people act. Being on the same page with your partner is the most important thing at the end of the day.

 
Encompass Connection Center helps couples learn how to resolve conflict, including conflict with in-laws, and create fulfilling, productive relationships. We offer a free relationship assessment to determine your relationship’s strengths and potential threats, some of which might stem from your relationships with your in-laws. For more help, look into our RINGS Experience, which includes marriage strengthening exercises and a coaching model to help build real intimacy and growth skills.

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