Your marriage and COVID-19 - Survey results

By Lavern Nissley

We were curious as to how COVID-19 and quarantines were affecting marriages and the kinds of impact couples have been experiencing the past 6 weeks. Last week we made available a simple survey; today we share the results. A total of 53 completed and submitted their responses.

To help you view the responses quickly we've simply created a handful of slides to portray the outcomes.

We really appreciate those who took the time to participate in the survey!

What follows is the raw text of all responses to the final 2 questions.

What would you say has best helped you cope and feel satisfied in your marriage relationship during the COVID-19 pandemic?​

• Being able to connect and comfort each other during difficult time.  We realize we don't  take enough time for each other.
• Being able to connect and comfort each other during difficult time.  We realize we don't  take enough time for each other.
• My wife and I lean on each other's strengths and trust in God to guide us. We stay busy with our faith and raising the kids and don't pay much attention to what has had to change but focus on what has stayed the same. Our love, our commitments, and our salvation.
• More time to talk, taking walks together
• We usually spend time talking together. Not household business, just conversation, at least once a day, either over coffee in the morning or hot chocolate at night.
• Keeping the sense of humor!
• He's my best friend, and work is stressful and I don't know if I'll get to keep my job, but it helps just to be held by him.
• Fortunately, we're both pretty much introverts, so we aren't missing the world too much, but he still has to go out some for work.
• We're finally getting to some projects around the house that have actually been the cause of some stress, and we're both NOT busy at the same time so we can do them together.
• Working together as a team to meet goals.
• More time together has brought us closer together. 
• Praying
• Purposeful "dates" on the back porch after the kids are in bed. We are going through a book and discussing it, along with sharing stresses and highlights from our day.
• The ability to have time to work through our communication challenges.
• We have really experienced very little change in our marriage but, within our family we are drawing closer. Our children (age 14) are connection more with each other and we are spending more time together as family.
• I have been able to go to work while my spouse has had to work from home.  I am thankful that I am able to go and get out.  
• Overall, it has not been a bad experience.  The first couple weeks were rough as we had to get into a new routine.  He is working from home & my hours at work have been cut.  We have taken walks & car rides together for a change of scenery.  At time, we hang out in different rooms for a break from each other.
• Husband working from home has been a blessing, as he was burned out at work, able to do his job at his own pace and get refreshed.  We went into it "together" leading our family, talking to our kids that there would be significant adjustments, but calling each of us as responsible for how we adjust.  More afternoon snuggling time for two of us, without being tired or hurried.  No rush off for kids sports decreased stress, and we feel very blessed for the uninterrupted family time.  Blessed to have home with property for outside playing and even purposeful work to be done for sense of purpose and accomplishment.  
• It's given us more time to focus on the things we wanted to do together.
• We try to just sit and hold each other.  Sometimes when we we open our mouths we argue.
• The extra time to be together and actually have a conversation.
• Keeping a regular schedule at home and then regularly communicating that schedule to plan if changes are needed.
• Just remembering we are a team and valuing this extended time as a family!
• Spending more time in God's word!!!
• Watching Netflix series together ?
• Being intentional about staying connected. 
• Nothing. 
• Setting time to be apart from each other AND setting time to be intentionally together.  Just being in the same space together wasn't enough. We found out that we still need "date time" together-- even if that looks differently during COVID19 time. And we needed some time apart from each other to invest in other interests and quiet time to rejuvenate. Gardening, lawn work, drives, reading, walking, biking have all contributed to our well-being.
• Gentleness. 
• The freer schedule has allowed for a more relaxed atmosphere at home--less stress for both of us
• Continuing our weekly dates with take out dinners and conversation at the table at home
• Binge-watching new shows together
• Family discussions once a week
• Giving each other space for personal time
• Find a new routine ... including inviting God unto more of this routine. 
• Our relationship hasn't really changed 
• Because we are older and more established in life, I feel we are better prepared to cope with the changes  that were brought on by the virus. 
• We own a business and there have been stresses there trying to keep the doors open and the employees happy.  They are fearful but we are considered essential manufacturing.  We have made steps to increase their safety.  
• We live on a farm and not much has changed other than financial  uncertainties that always are a part of farm life in the springtime.
• We have a strong foundation which serves us well.
• My wife has been a strong helpmate to me as I had to quickly learn how to teach online at the college level.  She has been willing to support me in many small ways as I was highly stressed to "get the job done"!  I have never taught online (virtual) and had no idea how.  With the help of a granddaughter I learned how and it has gone surprisingly well. I had to create Physics lab experiments for students to do which is nearly impossible.  So staying extremely busy with teaching has not allowed us much time to get in each others way:)
• Taking time to listen to each other carefully and hear what we each fear and want when our differing responses to anxiety create tension around decisions we have to make
• As business owners of a busy essential business there is stress due to keeping up with current mandates for public and employee safety and acting on it. 
• It's important to give each other additional grace and and share and listen to each other about what we are feeling during this time.  Remembering to be thankful for a close companion to go through this with - even though it feels a little too close sometimes.:)
• Safe excursions and carryout dates away from our home. Praying together daily. Being intentional about communicating what we're feeling or going through.
• Having time to talk a little more, and learning to work together in the kitchen better than we ever have before!
• Times of laughter and lightheartedness that facilitate connection
• Knowing that we fill God's role as husband and wife in the marriage well we are were off not having this I dollar dream view of God but having the real view of God from the Bible from old to new. It's been nice not to have a church service simply because our pastor preaches a water down gospel and it's a shame to the Gospel we use all these self-help techniques or the psychology Methods pier it scripture alone and scripture only is the thing that gets through
• Sneaking away for modified dates/time alone together
• The best thing for our marriage is that I had less stress because I was able to be at home instead of working. It gave me more time to rest and keep up the house which resulted in lower stress levels for me and thus improved mood. When my mood improves I had more willingness to have fun and relax which helped my marriage a ton!
• Taking advantage of the weekend when we're not working. Being together and actively being there with each other. 
• James 1:2-4
• More time together in fresh air
• We each, separately enjoying zoom meetings
• Time spent together outside the house.  Driving, walking,etc. 
• Taking walks together and making decisions on how we will handle situations. 
• Taking time to still do fun things
• In the evenings on occasion, we will sit down and revisit our day. My husband is still working and owns a business. He has stayed quite busy during the days. I'm home now and have tried to support him while helping in the business any way I can. This has helped and made us communicate in a more positive way. 
• Constant work and communication on how we can help each other. We are consistently helping each other love us better.

​Any other comments, observations or insights you'd like to share?

• Because he is working from home, it seems that he has lost a lot of patience.  I'm sure that he misses going out to see his clients.
• Continue to lay hands on your spouse and pray for them, "Please Lord, bless my husband. Please Lord, help me to be a blessing to my husband." It immediately changes your heart when you pray to be a blessing to your spouse.
• I have a new appreciation for my husband's work.  For the past 29 years, he has gotten up & went to work while I ran the house & raised the kids.  I have listened to him while he is on the phone & I realized I had no idea what he did for a living.  Sure, I knew his job title but I didn't understand what it meant.  I am so grateful that he has such a strong work ethic.  
• I'm home more with the kids, but my husband is essential and between work and setting tech stuff up at church has been more busy than usual. Making time for relaxed, face-to-face conversation every day has helped keep us connected to each other. 
• Looking forward to "normal", if it ever returns.
• My husband is continuing to work away from home (at night) while I work from home (in the day). It has been enlightening for my husband to observe all that I do for my work -- a new appreciation has occurred.
• The biggest hardship has been that she and I disagree on our impression of what's happening. She feels we should trust what we are being told by the government and Gov. DeWine and I do not. I am more suspicious of the entire affair and situation.
• That has been hard to navigate. 
• Things would probably be easier/better on the marriage front if kids weren't in the house. Most of our marriage conflict is parenting related.
• To some degree contact with other persons has becomes more valuable. Both with the phone and without. We all need other people in our lives for satisfaction along with God.
• Undoubtedly things have been difficult since my husband and I are both working full time while our school age children are home. I still have to go in to the office but my husband is able to work from home.  He is trying to "teach" our children despite his busy schedule.  Having our 3 children learning from home has created a sliver lining to the pandemic.  My husband has now experienced what life was like for me when I was the stay at home parent. We are able to appreciate what the other has done since our roles are reversed.  Our children are spending more time together outside playing.  They are playing board and card games as well.  We're regularly getting outside to exercise as a family.  We're trying new recipes and planning creative ways to spend birthdays and holidays during quarantine.  This experience has opened my eyes in regards to my employer's concern for me and my family.  It's become clear who our true friends are and who may be just a social media friend.  We are beginning to more clearly separate what is a want and a need.  Time has slowed down a bit without groups, clubs, sports and work travel commitments.  This time together has created an oasis effect.  It's given us a chance to rest, breathe, focus and collect ourselves.  So many others have not been as lucky.  We truly feel blessed.       
• We have discussed projects and begun a few
• Had special times with the grandchildren
• We have seen significant struggles among other relationships as they flounder to find a balance, address longstanding issues in their relationships, and cope with having the kids home all the time.  I don't think it is just school work that is causing the stress of having the kids home, I think it is also just the constant presence of the children with little time to connect to their partner alone that is also creating added stress.
• We really enjoy being together and this has helped us do that more. Wish the weather was warmer to do more things we enjoy doing outdoors, but we are very blessed in our situation.
• With unemployment expectations of roles around the house and how tasks should be shared have to change/be discussed.