Encompass Connection Center
  • Home
  • About ECC
  • For Couples
    • Free Relationship Assessments
    • The RINGS Experience
  • For Families
    • Free Parenting Assessment
    • Parenting for Kid's Sake
    • The REACH Experience
  • Donate
  • Get in touch
  • BLOG
PRACTICAL TIPS & INSIGHTS FOR YOUR

RELATIONSHIPS

Ya gotta love the five languages . . . of apology?

12/9/2021

0 Comments

 
Picture
By Kermit Rowe, Encompass Relationship Facilitator

Most of us have heard of the Five Love Languages, famously authored by Dr. Gary Chapman nearly three decades ago. They are so powerful in connecting couples that Encompass Connection Center has long incorporated the teachings of the Five Love Languages into its comprehensive relationship skills training.

But there are five more languages that may be just as helpful in building good communication as their more famous counterparts. They also come from Dr. Chapman, along with help from Jennifer Thomas. They are The Five Languages of Apology. Want to know what they are?
Apology is desirable to receive but hard to give. It requires us to humble ourselves and admit the obvious – that we are not perfect, and that we make mistakes. We know this, but to admit it … well, that takes a healthy dose of humility. And if we’re honest, to most of us humility is humiliating.

It assaults our pride. And we don’t like it. We tend to avoid apologizing, even though we are told in the Word of God that pride comes before the fall. Many marriages have fallen without apology. If only they’d have used these five languages. Love IS saying you’re sorry!

The five languages of apology are:
  • Expressing regret
  • Accepting responsibility
  • Making restitution
  • Genuinely repenting
  • Requesting forgiveness

The idea behind expressing regret is to show the person you hurt that you know you have hurt them. You never want someone whose relationship you value to feel that you can’t see how you are hurting them, be it intentionally or non-intentionally. That leads them to think that either you really don’t know who they are or don’t care enough to be sorry for hurting them – that you don’t value them. If they know your mistake affected you as deeply as it did them, that is a common ground on which to build a genuine apology.

Accepting responsibility is the glue that holds an apology. Are you more sorry that they are hurting, or more sorry that you hurt them? See how this drills down to the pride issue? And saying, “If I said or did anything wrong, I’m sorry” … that is NOT accepting responsibility, it is skirting it.

Making restitution is sticky. The idea that you are indebted to them is not a good environment for resolution, because no one likes to be in debt, right? The Word says we are a slave to our debtors. Previous question answered!

Genuinely repenting isn’t just stopping the offense that necessitates the apology. It is turning away and running away from it, like it is a ferocious lion. Because it is! And this lion feeds on non-repentance.

And now, we come to the walk-off. The mic drop! Forgiveness is more likely to truly be achieved, or granted, when it is requested. That means we have to crucify self in order to resurrect our life-giving relationship with the one we are apologizing to. Sound familiar? Salvation plan: asking = forgiveness.

Hmmm … the language of apology is also the language of faith? Who woulda known?!

​Encompass Connection Center helps couples learn how to resolve issues and create fulfilling, productive relationships. For many couples, those issues can stem from a lack of participation. Just like any problem, though, participation issues can be fixed. We offer a free relationship assessment to determine your relationship’s strengths and potential threats. For more help, look into our RINGS Experience, which includes marriage strengthening exercises and a coaching model to help build real intimacy and growth skills.
FREE Relationship Assessment
The RINGS Experience
0 Comments



Leave a Reply.

    Subscribe

    * indicates required
    Picture

    Hosts

    Lavern & Ronda Nissley are co-directors of Encompass. Married since 1978, both enjoy coffee, riding their tandem bicycle and working together to build strong relationships.

    TOPICS

    All
    5 Love Languages
    Abuse
    ACE Score
    Achievement
    Aging
    Amygdala Hijack
    Anger
    Any Relationship
    Apologizing
    Asking Great Questions
    Attention
    Bids
    Busy Calendar
    Change
    Children
    Christmas
    Coaching
    Commitment
    Communication
    Competition
    Conflict
    Confronting
    Connection
    Consequences
    Counseling
    Couples
    COVID
    Date Night
    Death
    Deposits
    Emotions
    Empathy
    Especially For Couples
    Especially For Families
    Especially For Organizations
    Exercise
    Expectations
    Falling
    Family Business
    Family Trees
    Fear
    Finances
    Forgiveness
    Fun
    Generational Trends
    Genetics
    Getting Along
    Getting Things Done
    Giving
    Grandchildren
    Gratitude
    Grief
    Grieving
    Healthy Eating
    Healthy Lifestyle
    Holidays
    Humility
    Humor
    Illness
    Infidelity
    In Laws
    In-Laws
    Insomnia
    Intimacy
    Leadership
    Learning
    Legacy
    Listening
    Long Distance
    Loss
    Love
    Love Defined
    Marriage
    Minimalizing
    Morale
    Offenses
    Office Culture
    Our Stories
    Outcome Orientation
    Parenting
    Peace
    Planning
    Polarization
    Praying Together
    Preparation
    Proactivity
    Problem Orientation
    Productivity
    Research
    Restoration
    Retirement
    RINGS Chat
    RINGS Experience
    Romance
    Romantic Attraction
    Satisfaction
    Schedule
    Screen Use
    Siblings
    Sleeping
    Smartphones
    Stress
    Success
    Suicide
    Surprises
    Survey
    Talking
    Teamwork
    Teens
    Timeouts
    Traits
    Transformation
    Understanding
    Valentine's Day
    Virtual Relationships
    Wedding
    Withdrawals
    Working Out

    Archives

    March 2023
    February 2023
    January 2023
    December 2022
    November 2022
    October 2022
    September 2022
    August 2022
    July 2022
    June 2022
    May 2022
    April 2022
    March 2022
    February 2022
    January 2022
    December 2021
    November 2021
    October 2021
    September 2021
    August 2021
    July 2021
    June 2021
    May 2021
    April 2021
    March 2021
    February 2021
    January 2021
    December 2020
    October 2020
    September 2020
    August 2020
    July 2020
    June 2020
    May 2020
    April 2020
    March 2020
    February 2020
    January 2020
    December 2019
    November 2019
    October 2019
    September 2019
    August 2019
    July 2019
    June 2019
    May 2019
    April 2019
    March 2019
    February 2019
    January 2019
    December 2018
    November 2018
    October 2018
    September 2018
    August 2018
    July 2018

Picture

FIND IT QUICKLY

Refer A CLIENT
SHOP RINGS PROGRAM
bring rings to my area

STAY CONNECTED

OFFICE HOURS

MON 9a-2p
TUE 9a-2p
WED 9a-2p
THU 9a-2p
​Other hours by appointment
call us

VISIT US

616 N. Limestone St. | Springfield, OH
Funding is provided by Clark County Job and Family Services, The Turner Foundation, Springfield Foundation, Buckeye Health, private donations and fees.
​Program content is the sole responsibility of Encompass Connection Center and does not necessarily represent the views of the funders.
Encompass Connection Center services are provided to all eligible persons on a non-discriminatory basis. Encompass Connection Center complies with all applicable laws and regulations concerning discrimination does not discriminate on the basis of the potential participant's race, gender, gender orientation, age, disability or religion.

​Registered 501(c)(3). EIN: 37-1485217
  • Home
  • About ECC
  • For Couples
    • Free Relationship Assessments
    • The RINGS Experience
  • For Families
    • Free Parenting Assessment
    • Parenting for Kid's Sake
    • The REACH Experience
  • Donate
  • Get in touch
  • BLOG