Why the attitude of gratitude makes marriage go

By Kermit Rowe 
Encompass Relationship Facilitator 

The attitude of gratitude is powerful in any relationship, but especially so in marriage. As powerful as it can be, it can also be just as challenging. 

Our spouse is someone we’ve committed the rest of our life to, who probably knows us better than any other human being. They are reminded daily that we are not perfect, and we make mistakes. There are going to be times when we will give each other reasons not to be thankful, mainly because we do this life together. Here are some ways to overcome the challenge of taking the best thing to ever happen to us for granted... ​

1. Pray together. First things first! Studies show that couples who pray together regularly have a one percent chance of divorcing. How can that be? When we pray, we often express our thankfulness to God for things we value and enjoy as a part of our lives. Inevitably, the most important people in our lives are going to come up. When they do come up and we are praying together, then we hear how our spouse is honestly telling God how much they value us. Priceless! 
2. Build up, don’t knock down. This is a relationship energizer in any human interaction, but especially in marriage. Eph 4:29 says, “Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen.” Applying this command to intimate communication with the most important person in your life not only gives them an extra deep heart jolt but can also train you to do the same for others. Encouragement opens the floodgates of gratitude. 
3. Build up your own soul. Working on your own walk with God will make it more likely that wholesome talk will proceed from your mouth. We must be aware of wounds from past hurts, fears, unforgiveness, and lies we believe, so that we can combat them with the truth of God’s Word and the power of His presence. When we wash our heart and mind with the water of the Word, we can see our partner with the same lens Jesus sees them through. Thankfulness is sure to follow. 
4. Use a thankfulness journal. Sometimes we forget how thankful we are for the blessings in our life. When we write them down, we have a track record to remind us of what we really have to be thankful for when the deceptions and failures threaten to destroy our gratitude. 
5. Forgive, even when you struggle to forget. Marriage is one great big forgiveness-fest. If you can’t forgive, you will struggle through what can become unholy matrimony. That’s because forgiveness is the cornerstone of the Christian faith. Jesus died for us so that we could have the forgiveness upon confession of our sins that secures an eternity with Jesus in heaven. We are to forgive as we have been forgiven. If we refuse to practice this with our other half, we need to have a serious heart-check … even if they are clearly guilty. Col. 3:13 is clear: “Bearing with one another and, if one has a complaint against another, forgiving each other; as the Lord has forgiven you, so you also must forgive.” It’s hard to be thankful for someone you are angry with. 

​Following these five gratitude growers will help you experience “happily ever after” much more often. ​

Are you struggling with an attitude of gratitude towards your spouse or family? Whether you're looking for a new start or just some guidance and growth in your relationship or parenting abilities, you can get in touch with a knowledgeable and sincere advocate or coach at Encompass Connection Center by following the links below.

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