Which animal(s) are you when stressed?

Which Animal(s) are you when stressed?

7/5/2023

The most common answer given to us, to the question "What are you struggling with as a couple?" is COMMUNICATION. This month our posts will feature tips, insights, and research related to improving communication.

By Lavern Nissley
Encompass Executive Director

The topic of communication is pretty broad, so we'll narrow the scope to the 2 basic elements of interpersonal asserting and listening. BOTH are needed in order for communication to be productive.

ASSERTING is expressing your wishes and interests in a positive way - not being aggressive or demanding. It is the opposite of being silent, of pretending to agree, of passive aggression.

LISTENING is hearing to understand what the other person is saying - not interrupting or planning your own response.

There are six animal types that represent common human responses to stress and that interfere with productive communication. Want to know your type(s)?

So let's go to the zoo!

The Turtle - WITHDRAWER from conflict and stress; "Get away"
The Skunk - SPRAYER of verbal attacks; "Get verbal"
The Chameleon - YIELDER to blend in; "Get along"
The Owl - INTELLECTUALIZER, just the facts; "Get logical"
The Gorilla - INTIMIDATOR who bullies; "Get pushy"
The Mule - FOOT DRAGGER, goes opposite; "Get stubborn"

Which of these describe your communication or behavior style when you're under stress or in a conflict?

In the video below Ronda and I describe each of the 6 animals in depth, then share a stressful anecdote from our own lives where EACH of us became one of the animals above. See if you can figure out which ones we became! This segment is taken from the RINGS Experience and is about 8 minutes long.

We've been married for 44 years, and we're STILL working on communication! Hopefully, you saw (if you made it all the way to the last minutes of the video) us taking responsibility for our unhelpful responses as well as how we "rewound the tape" to think about more helpful responses.

This visual, adapted from 10 Great Dates to Energize Your Marriage by David and Claudia Arp, has been a helpful reminder of when we're not ASSERTING or LISTENING productively.

What are your takeaways?

Consider participating in the resources below for COUPLES and/or WORKPLACE/TEAMS.