By Lavern Nissley
A six year study with newlyweds showed that those who remained together did this tip 86% of the time; those who divorced only did it 33% of the time. Want to know what it was?
It was turning toward their partner when he or she made a "bid". According to researcher Dr. John Gottman a bid is "any attempt from one partner to another for attention, affirmation, affection of any other positive connection."
Turning toward requires paying attention and, at times, reading between the lines. "Let's put the kids to bed" could mean "Can I have your help?" To "miss" a bid is to turn away, which can be devastating.
So, how about becoming part of the "86ers"?
Lavern & Ronda Nissley are co-directors of Encompass. Married since 1978, both enjoy coffee, riding their tandem bicycle and working together to build strong relationships.