Encompass Connection Center
  • Home
  • About ECC
  • For Couples
    • Free Relationship Assessments
    • The RINGS Experience
  • For Families
    • Free Parenting Assessment
    • Parenting for Kid's Sake
    • The REACH Experience
  • Donate
  • Get in touch
  • BLOG
PRACTICAL TIPS & INSIGHTS FOR YOUR

RELATIONSHIPS

TrainWreck or TeamWork?

5/14/2019

 
Picture
By Lavern Nissley
​
Whenever two or more people come together for any purpose, goal or objective, there is potential for things going horribly wrong or incredibly well, with plenty of intermediate options. Most of us have experienced both ends of this social emotionally laden continuum. What is it that influences one outcome or the other?

Mathematician and relationship researcher John Gottman has developed 4 predictors of marriage failure and 4 predictors of marriage success based upon his observation of hundreds of couples. Want to know what they are?
​Before listing the predictors, let me say that I don't think these are limited to couples. They can also apply to families, organizations and teams - any context that has two or more people.

TeamWork predictors
  • More positives than negatives – at least a 5:1 ratio
  • Repair attempts – “putting on the brakes” instead of continuing unproductive cycles
  • Soft start-up – gentle in sharing complaints or desires
  • Accepting influence – not just understanding the other person(s), but actually accepting of his or her ideas

TrainWreck predictors
  • Stonewalling – withdrawing and refusing to participate in communication
  • Criticism – nagging without warmth and open-mindedness
  • Defensiveness – not taking responsibility for contributions to problems
  • Contempt – a total lack of respect for person(s)

I confess that I've contributed to both TeamWork and TrainWreck scenarios - in my marriage, in my family and in work/team settings. I really prefer the former!

TrainWrecks are frustrating and discouraging, not to mention pretty debilitating for relationships.

TeamWork, when people are truly working together, is vitalizing and fulfilling. It's one of the things I most appreciate in my relationship with Ronda - being able to work toward defined tasks, purposes and goals in a way that leaves both of us feeling, "Yeah! We did that together!"

As you interact with people today and throughout this week, take occasions to reflect on how you may be contributing to TeamWork or TrainWreck predictors. It's easy to see what others are doing, but healthy relationships start with me.

(For more insights into Gottman's predictors watch the brief video below)
Picture

Comments are closed.

    Subscribe

    * indicates required
    Picture

    Hosts

    Lavern & Ronda Nissley are co-directors of Encompass. Married since 1978, both enjoy coffee, riding their tandem bicycle and working together to build strong relationships.

    TOPICS

    All
    5 Love Languages
    Abuse
    ACE Score
    Achievement
    Aging
    Amygdala Hijack
    Anger
    Any Relationship
    Apologizing
    Asking Great Questions
    Attention
    Bids
    Busy Calendar
    Change
    Children
    Christmas
    Coaching
    Commitment
    Communication
    Competition
    Conflict
    Confronting
    Connection
    Consequences
    Counseling
    Couples
    COVID
    Date Night
    Death
    Deposits
    Emotions
    Empathy
    Especially For Couples
    Especially For Families
    Especially For Organizations
    Exercise
    Expectations
    Falling
    Family Business
    Family Trees
    Fear
    Finances
    Forgiveness
    Fun
    Generational Trends
    Genetics
    Getting Along
    Getting Things Done
    Giving
    Grandchildren
    Gratitude
    Grief
    Grieving
    Healthy Eating
    Healthy Lifestyle
    Holidays
    Humility
    Humor
    Illness
    Infidelity
    In Laws
    In-Laws
    Insomnia
    Intimacy
    Leadership
    Learning
    Legacy
    Listening
    Long Distance
    Loss
    Love
    Love Defined
    Marriage
    Minimalizing
    Morale
    Offenses
    Office Culture
    Our Stories
    Outcome Orientation
    Parenting
    Peace
    Planning
    Polarization
    Praying Together
    Proactivity
    Problem Orientation
    Productivity
    Research
    Restoration
    Retirement
    RINGS Chat
    RINGS Experience
    Romance
    Romantic Attraction
    Satisfaction
    Schedule
    Screen Use
    Siblings
    Sleeping
    Smartphones
    Stress
    Success
    Suicide
    Surprises
    Survey
    Talking
    Teamwork
    Teens
    Timeouts
    Traits
    Transformation
    Understanding
    Valentine's Day
    Virtual Relationships
    Wedding
    Withdrawals
    Working Out

    Archives

    January 2023
    December 2022
    November 2022
    October 2022
    September 2022
    August 2022
    July 2022
    June 2022
    May 2022
    April 2022
    March 2022
    February 2022
    January 2022
    December 2021
    November 2021
    October 2021
    September 2021
    August 2021
    July 2021
    June 2021
    May 2021
    April 2021
    March 2021
    February 2021
    January 2021
    December 2020
    October 2020
    September 2020
    August 2020
    July 2020
    June 2020
    May 2020
    April 2020
    March 2020
    February 2020
    January 2020
    December 2019
    November 2019
    October 2019
    September 2019
    August 2019
    July 2019
    June 2019
    May 2019
    April 2019
    March 2019
    February 2019
    January 2019
    December 2018
    November 2018
    October 2018
    September 2018
    August 2018
    July 2018

Picture

FIND IT QUICKLY

Refer A CLIENT
SHOP RINGS PROGRAM
bring rings to my area

STAY CONNECTED

OFFICE HOURS

MON 9a-2p
TUE 9a-2p
WED 9a-2p
THU 9a-2p
​Other hours by appointment
call us

VISIT US

616 N. Limestone St. | Springfield, OH
Funding is provided by Clark County Job and Family Services, The Turner Foundation, Springfield Foundation, Buckeye Health, private donations and fees.
​Program content is the sole responsibility of Encompass Connection Center and does not necessarily represent the views of the funders.
Encompass Connection Center services are provided to all eligible persons on a non-discriminatory basis. Encompass Connection Center complies with all applicable laws and regulations concerning discrimination does not discriminate on the basis of the potential participant's race, gender, gender orientation, age, disability or religion.

​Registered 501(c)(3). EIN: 37-1485217
  • Home
  • About ECC
  • For Couples
    • Free Relationship Assessments
    • The RINGS Experience
  • For Families
    • Free Parenting Assessment
    • Parenting for Kid's Sake
    • The REACH Experience
  • Donate
  • Get in touch
  • BLOG