The Importance of Alone Time in a Relationship

By Encompass Outreach Group

​The very essence of a relationship is finding someone you enjoy being around and spending time with. However, even if your partner is your best friend, that doesn’t mean you should avoid seeking out alone time. In a relationship, you are committed to your partner and the life you share together, but you are also still your own person with your own needs and interests. Here are some reasons why alone time is so important in a relationship: 

• Enmeshment and Resentment - Enmeshment is when there are no boundaries between two people and they start to lose their identities as individuals. This can be good at first, when you are in the “honeymoon phase” and spending all your time together, but ultimately it can lead to resentment, disconnection, and confusion. If you are spending all of your time with your partner and have no alone time, you may grow to resent them because you feel like they are an obstacle keeping you from doing the things you want to do. 

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• Self-Care - Alone time is also important because everyone needs a break for self-care. Being alone and focusing on ourselves helps us recharge. It’s important to discuss the situation with your partner and be honest about needing alone time for self-care. This will prevent you from hurting your partner’s feelings and you may discover that they are feeling the same way already. Both of you need to realize that being away from one another doesn’t mean you don’t love each other, and the solitude you need isn’t a threat to your relationship.

 

• Renewed Desire - Having alone time away from your partner can actually benefit your relationship in several ways, including renewing your desire for one another. Being apart can make you and your partner more attracted to one another, see each other in a new way, and lead to renewed desire in your relationship. You’ll also be able to offer more emotionally, mentally, and physically because of the recharging you did during your alone time.

 
An important question is how much alone time is normal in a relationship? The answer depends on you and your partner and the specific relationship you have. For example, introverts might need more alone time to recharge than extroverts. Either way, there should be a good balance between alone time and quality time spent together as a couple. If your partner always wants to be alone, then there may be a larger issue.
 
Encompass Connection Center helps couples learn how to resolve issues and create fulfilling, productive relationships. For many couples, those issues can stem from not getting enough alone time. Just like any problem, though, issues with alone time in a relationship can be fixed. We offer a free relationship assessment to determine your relationship’s strengths and potential threats. For more help, look into our RINGS Experience, which includes marriage strengthening exercises and a coaching model to help build real intimacy and growth skills.

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