Strategies for grieving the loss of a loved one

​By Lavern Nissley
Executive Director of Encompass

A friend of mine who lost his wife to cancer several years ago told me that the grief he experienced when coming back into the empty house alone was "suffocating". Difficult to breathe. Excruciating. Really painful. Awful.

Death is an inevitable feature of life on this planet, so we know it's going to happen. As my primary care doctor often remarks, "We're all going to die." So what are some ways to get through the grief period without crashing and burning?

Our own extended family has experienced three deaths since mid-November: our dad, 88; our daughter's father-in-law, 65; my brother's wife, 63. Each death is different, but they are all irreversible and final.

You may have experienced recent losses yourself, whether to COVID or a comorbidity.

"Grief is not a disorder, a disease, or a sign of weakness. It is an emotional, physical, and spiritual necessity, the price you pay for love. The only cure for grief is to grieve." -Earl Grollman

The following strategies are listed in Guideposts Through Grief developed by Ohio's Hospice and are exceptionally simple and practical.

• Take care of yourself physically. Have a check up with your physician.
• Exercise daily. Even a slow, peaceful walk can help you relax.
• Eat well and wisely.
• Lower expectations of yourself.
• Take one day at a time.
• Keep a written journal. It doesn't have to be "professional," just honest.
• Trust your own sense of timing.
• Participate in pleasant activities you enjoy.
• Seek new routines and interests.
• Discover what you need from others and ask.
• Embrace your spirituality.
• Pamper yourself. A massage can do wonders!
• If possible, avoid making major decisions like moving or changing jobs during the first year of grief.
• Join a support group.
• Don't hold back your tears -- crying can be very therapeutic.
• Find ways to hold onto hope.

Several I would add . . .

• Don't go it alone. Isolation impedes healing from grief and enlarges the wound.
• Give yourself plenty of time to grieve. It will likely take longer than you thought.
• Set appropriate expectations. Don't feel the need to "speed up" the grief process.
• Expect loneliness and reach out to others. A grief support group provides opportunities to comfort others.

Our thoughts and prayers go out to you if you've recently lost loved ones and are on a journey of grief.

We know major losses due to death affects our relationships with others, and we're glad to help where we can -- a complimentary intake to chat would be a good starting point.

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