By Lavern Nissley
(Danny Meyer is a former pastor and overseer in the Association of Vineyard Churches)
If you are married, please stop and take 2 minutes to read some super marriage advice from a May 18, 2018 Facebook post by Danny Meyer, a personal friend and acquaintance. In this brief post he offers incredibly humble and transparent reflections on his 44 year marriage to Penny. No self-promoting heroism at all!
Seriously . . . This. Is. Good. Stuff!
I NEED TO MAKE SOMETHING VERY CLEAR.
Penny and I are grateful for the kind words of encouragement, care and concern. We also are flattered by the comments implying that we have a relationship that inspires others and seems “very special”.
BUT UNDERSTAND THIS.
I do believe our relationship is very special. BUT you need to understand that it involved a lot of hard work over many years! Over the 44 years we have been married, we have seen 3 different marriage counselors for many months at a time.
We both are strong willed individuals. I can be very self centered and controlling. Penny would acknowledge a fiery Texas temper. We both entered marriage with many unhealthy patterns in our communication, conflict resolution and ability to forgive and ask forgiveness. None of these things were in place when we said I do.
Penny comes from a smaller town in the Texas panhandle. I come from the suburbs of New York City. Our cultures are very different! When our families got together at our wedding reception it was like the “Starwars Bar”.
All this is to say our “special relationship” didn’t come naturally, easily or quickly. It took a lot of hard work over many years (and that deliberate work continues). So please don’t look at our relationship as if some marriages are “charmed” and others just don’t have what it takes to have a good marriage. Any good marriage takes a commitment to work hard!
Here are a few things we learned through years of trial and error with many ups and downs.
In a good marriage:
So we are flattered with the kind words about our marriage. I do think we have arrived at a “very special marriage”! But please don’t think it has always been a “fairytale”. Its been more like a “construction sight” that demanded hard work, lots of support and a whole lot of prayer!
Lavern & Ronda Nissley are co-directors of Encompass. Married since 1978, both enjoy coffee, riding their tandem bicycle and working together to build strong relationships.