Romance . . . The Golden Years

Ahhhh, February- a month of ROMANCE. Each week in February we're discussing the seasons of romance in marriage.  After visiting the pre-marital, honeymoon, "with kids at home," and empty nest seasons, this week we're ready to find out what happens romantically in the golden years. 

By Lavern Nissley
Executive director of Encompass Connection Center

This may come as a surprise, but it IS possible to experience romance in marriage after age 60. It's certainly different from romance in the early years of marriage where it doesn't take much for things to get hot and steamy. Perhaps a metaphor would be appropriate. Young married romance is like a microwave, while senior adult married romance is more like a crockpot. Both can bring about tasty edibles, but the latter is a more deliberate, extended process.

It's the latter of these two metaphors we want to dive into. How can you keep love alive after decades together as a couple and as your physical energy and health levels decline? Are there ways to grow in body/soul/spirit attractiveness as we age?

The five ways listed below are only a portion of the many you could find in a quick internet search. They overlap with what we've found helpful in our own marriage as we've passed age mile marker 60.

• Invest in staying healthy. The big 3 keys to extending health are adequate sleep, good nutrition, and regular exercise/movement. All of these lead to greater levels of well-being and alertness - key ingredients for meaningful romance. Ronda and I target at least 3 or 4 thirty minute workout sessions per week as well as taking walks or bike rides together. Getting our heartrates up and breathing heavy is refreshing and invigorating!
• Try out new things. One of the biggest spark-killers for romance is routine. In contrast, when we try out new things we've never done before, dopamine is released and provides that "feel good" sensation. We refer to it as "cutting new grooves" in our brains. Recently we participated in a 5 day marriage retreat at WinShape in Rome, Georgia. Two new things for us were navigating a ropes course 30 feet above the ground and painting angels in a couple's painting class. Yep! A definite dopamine high! We've also purchased a dancing training course called Show Her Off. Even after just an hour or so of watching demos and trying them out, it actually looks like we know what we're doing!
• Get back to the basics. What are the little things you did earlier in your marriage that meant a lot? What do you know fills your partner's "love tank"? Holding hands, brief kisses, watching old movies, thoughtful acts of kindness, spontaneous dates, putting together a puzzle, bringing home a small gift or meaningful card. The Five Love Languages by Dr. Gary Chapman are a timeless resource for making sure we're not overlooking the little things that have big impact. Make sure you know your partner's love language. Here's a quick way to find out what your and your partner's love languages are.
• Help others. Likely your pre-retirement vocations were full of doing this. Don't let your generosity of spirit go stagnant, but rather, consider causes you are passionate about and volunteer several days a week. Not because you have to, but because you want to help others. Couples who do this often find themselves admiring their partners "in action". There are stories to share together and the sense of making the world a better place.
• Nurture your faith journey. This is important at any stage of marriage. In fact, couples who pray together daily have less than a 1% failure rate. But nurturing faith is especially important in the season of life where losses and one's own mortality are front and center. Ronda and I have found the rhythm of morning personal quiet times followed by a RINGS chat and praying together both fruitful and fulfilling. There are actually times that I feel "tingles" when I glance at Ronda in her chair listening to worship music, reading YouVersion devotionals, updating prayer entries, journaling and then turning to each other to start the day.

This is not an exhaustive list of romance enhancers. But couples who select at least 2 or 3 will reap the benefits of body/soul/spirit attractiveness.

Ronda painting her angel

Ronda's angel

Lavern's angel

WinShape - Rome GA

Watching others on ropes

Ready for the ropes

Are you in a difficult season of marriage? Encompass Connection Center helps couples learn how to resolve issues and create fulfilling, productive relationships. For many couples, those issues can stem from a lack of participation. Just like any problem, though, participation issues can be fixed. We offer a free relationship assessment to determine your relationship’s strengths and potential threats. For more help, look into our RINGS Experience, which includes marriage strengthening exercises and a coaching model to help build real intimacy and growth skills.

Free Relationship Assessment

RINGS Experience