Encompass Connection Center
  • Home
  • About ECC
  • For Couples
    • Free Relationship Assessments
    • The RINGS Experience
  • For Families
    • Free Parenting Assessment
    • Parenting for Kid's Sake
    • The REACH Experience
  • Donate
  • Get in touch
  • BLOG
PRACTICAL TIPS & INSIGHTS FOR YOUR

RELATIONSHIPS

Reflections on two recent bicycle falls

7/14/2021

 
Picture
By Lavern & Ronda Nissley
A traumatic pair of recent falls from our tandem recumbent bicycle made us think seriously about our tandem biking future. We hadn’t fallen in about 9 years, and within a week we fell twice. The second fall shook us and actually raised the question on whether we should just stop riding tandem altogether. Kind of like divorcing our bike!
For some time now we’ve seen tandem biking as a metaphor for marriage. It requires a great deal of working together with each other to make it work, and our actions/movements on the bike affect the other!
 
We’re so grateful that most of our memories on the bike are positive. There are way more good things we’re experiencing together than bad things. But what if those memories were reversed and the negatives were outweighing the positives? Would we continue riding? What adjustments would we make?
 
That is exactly what couples face when their marriages are no longer VITALIZED, the healthiest of 5 tiers that describe marriage health. As marriage health slips to less healthy tiers like COEXISTENT, CONFLICTED, or DEVITALIZED, partners face a choice on how to proceed from here.
Picture
​Several options exist:
  1. Continue without making any changes at all. This would be the definition of insanity, “Do the same thing again and again while expecting different results.” The problem with this option is that the pattern of hurting each other will continue and most likely lead to the 2nd option.
  2. End the relationship. In extreme cases, this may be the best option for the sake of physical and emotional safety (especially where abuse is happening). But it is also a sad option because it is bringing to an end any possibility of growth and change toward a healthier relationship.
  3. Make adjustments. Although this may require the assistance of a friend, a coach, or a counselor, it is definitely worth exploring versus #1 and #2. Many couples who seek help and embrace transformation are much happier and glad they DIDN’T end the relationship.
 
We’re going to continue riding our tandem recumbent bicycle. After reviewing both of our falls we have made adjustments that we believe will keep us from falling, or at least decrease the risk. We’ve ridden too many miles (12,175 in 11 years) and spent too much time (780 hours, almost 4 ½ weeks) to end the relationship with our bike.
 
Our desire is to see couples face their current relationship health with courage and commitment. To do whatever it takes to move from way more negatives than positives to a place of connection and vitality. Had we NOT done that for our relationship in 1990, eleven years into our marriage, we likely wouldn’t have shared the messages on Healthy Again over the weekend. Much less written this blog post reflecting on two bicycle falls. We wouldn’t have had a bike to fall off of.
 
Encompass Connection Center helps couples learn how to resolve issues and create fulfilling, productive relationships. We offer a free relationship assessment to determine your relationship’s strengths and potential threats. For more help, look into our RINGS Experience, which includes marriage strengthening exercises and a coaching model to help build real intimacy and growth skills.
FREE Relationship Assessment
The RINGS Experience
Roosevelt Quick
7/15/2021 12:40:46 pm

Thank you for sharing your exand deep insights. I really appreciate it. I'm so glad you're both ok after your ordeals.

Lavern Nissley link
7/15/2021 03:58:37 pm

Thank you, Roosevelt!

Ruthanna
7/17/2021 02:28:19 pm

What a beautiful way to explain love and commitment ❤ I always smile when I see pictures of your rides!!


Comments are closed.

    Subscribe

    * indicates required
    Picture

    Hosts

    Lavern & Ronda Nissley are co-directors of Encompass. Married since 1978, both enjoy coffee, riding their tandem bicycle and working together to build strong relationships.

    TOPICS

    All
    5 Love Languages
    Abuse
    ACE Score
    Achievement
    Aging
    Amygdala Hijack
    Anger
    Any Relationship
    Apologizing
    Asking Great Questions
    Attention
    Bids
    Busy Calendar
    Change
    Children
    Christmas
    Coaching
    Commitment
    Communication
    Competition
    Conflict
    Confronting
    Connection
    Consequences
    Counseling
    Couples
    COVID
    Date Night
    Death
    Deposits
    Emotions
    Empathy
    Especially For Couples
    Especially For Families
    Especially For Organizations
    Exercise
    Expectations
    Falling
    Family Business
    Family Trees
    Fear
    Finances
    Forgiveness
    Fun
    Generational Trends
    Genetics
    Getting Along
    Getting Things Done
    Giving
    Grandchildren
    Gratitude
    Grief
    Grieving
    Healthy Eating
    Healthy Lifestyle
    Holidays
    Humility
    Humor
    Illness
    Infidelity
    In Laws
    In-Laws
    Insomnia
    Intimacy
    Leadership
    Learning
    Legacy
    Listening
    Long Distance
    Loss
    Love
    Love Defined
    Marriage
    Minimalizing
    Morale
    Offenses
    Office Culture
    Our Stories
    Outcome Orientation
    Parenting
    Peace
    Planning
    Polarization
    Praying Together
    Proactivity
    Problem Orientation
    Productivity
    Research
    Restoration
    Retirement
    RINGS Chat
    RINGS Experience
    Romance
    Romantic Attraction
    Satisfaction
    Schedule
    Screen Use
    Siblings
    Sleeping
    Smartphones
    Stress
    Success
    Suicide
    Surprises
    Survey
    Talking
    Teamwork
    Teens
    Timeouts
    Traits
    Transformation
    Understanding
    Valentine's Day
    Virtual Relationships
    Wedding
    Withdrawals
    Working Out

    Archives

    January 2023
    December 2022
    November 2022
    October 2022
    September 2022
    August 2022
    July 2022
    June 2022
    May 2022
    April 2022
    March 2022
    February 2022
    January 2022
    December 2021
    November 2021
    October 2021
    September 2021
    August 2021
    July 2021
    June 2021
    May 2021
    April 2021
    March 2021
    February 2021
    January 2021
    December 2020
    October 2020
    September 2020
    August 2020
    July 2020
    June 2020
    May 2020
    April 2020
    March 2020
    February 2020
    January 2020
    December 2019
    November 2019
    October 2019
    September 2019
    August 2019
    July 2019
    June 2019
    May 2019
    April 2019
    March 2019
    February 2019
    January 2019
    December 2018
    November 2018
    October 2018
    September 2018
    August 2018
    July 2018

Picture

FIND IT QUICKLY

Refer A CLIENT
SHOP RINGS PROGRAM
bring rings to my area

STAY CONNECTED

OFFICE HOURS

MON 9a-2p
TUE 9a-2p
WED 9a-2p
THU 9a-2p
​Other hours by appointment
call us

VISIT US

616 N. Limestone St. | Springfield, OH
Funding is provided by Clark County Job and Family Services, The Turner Foundation, Springfield Foundation, Buckeye Health, private donations and fees.
​Program content is the sole responsibility of Encompass Connection Center and does not necessarily represent the views of the funders.
Encompass Connection Center services are provided to all eligible persons on a non-discriminatory basis. Encompass Connection Center complies with all applicable laws and regulations concerning discrimination does not discriminate on the basis of the potential participant's race, gender, gender orientation, age, disability or religion.

​Registered 501(c)(3). EIN: 37-1485217
  • Home
  • About ECC
  • For Couples
    • Free Relationship Assessments
    • The RINGS Experience
  • For Families
    • Free Parenting Assessment
    • Parenting for Kid's Sake
    • The REACH Experience
  • Donate
  • Get in touch
  • BLOG