preparing for marriage: 4 misconceptions

By: Abby Glaser
Encompass Community Advocate

Spring is a time for new birth and new growth…and at the Encompass office it’s a time when we start getting calls from engaged couples preparing for their weddings! After fielding one of those calls recently I found myself thinking about what things I wish I would have been told before getting married. There were many misconceptions my husband and I had that we quickly found out were wrong! After 25 years together, I can confidently debunk the following ones!  

• All you need is love! Spoiler alert: you’re gonna need a lot more than love to keep your relationship healthy long term! Love is a great place to start, but it is only the start. To maintain a long and healthy marriage you are going to need communication skills, conflict resolution skills, forgiveness, patience, and a whole host of other skills! Love is the foundation but the longevity will depend on the work you put in every day!  

 

• Married sex lives are all the same. Many of us enter marriage with firm ideas in our minds of what married sex looks like: good or bad! The reality is that it differs not only for every couple but at different seasons of their lives! What your intimacy looks like when first married is likely very different than how it will look once you have young children or an empty nest. It is constantly evolving just like your relationship! It’s easy to fall into the pattern of comparison with other couples but stay focused on what works best for you and your partner, period.  If you’re having a hard time figuring that out, don’t be afraid to get help! 

 

• My partner will fulfill all of my needs! In the beginning, we may not only believe this but find it very romantic! But the reality is that we all need more than any one person can give us. It takes a village! While our partner is our most intimate relationship, it can’t be our only one. We all need friends, family members, pastors and mentors to help us navigate life. It is not our partner’s job to make us happy. If you suffer from things like depression or unhappiness before marriage… you will when married too. Your partner’s job is to support you in becoming the best version of yourself that you can be, but it is your job to do the work!  

 

• Communication is just talking to each other! We all know that communication is a vital part of a healthy relationship. The problem? Many of us don’t know how to do it! We may think it’s just talking about everything… bills, schedules, kids. But communication requires sharing our inner feelings, talking about the bad stuff, and it requires unbridled honesty. Communication often starts with us being honest with ourselves! The other half of communicating that we may need to practice is active listening. Are you truly hearing your partner or just talking? You’ll need both skills to have a long and happy relationship.  

The great news here is that all of these are skills that can be taught! If we can help you in any of these areas to create a lasting, healthy relationship,  please don't hesitate to get in touch! 

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