Our special triangle: A very personal glimpse into sibling Harmony

By Lavern Nissley
Encompass Executive Director

Our outreach coordinator, Hollie Kowalski, asked us to "get personal" this month in our blog posts. I think that's intended as "personal in a positive way!"😊

This quickly led me to thinking about the absolutely honest, personal, and mutually supportive interchanges Ken, Karen, and I have had over the past 3-4 years. You won't read about this anywhere else, so get ready, buckle up, and let's dive in!

First, let's introduce you to my siblings.

Ken is about two years younger than me and lives in Greenfield, Indiana, just east of Indianapolis. He's a successful realtor and runs Kenter Homes, helping clients with buying, selling, investing, leasing, and oversees property management. His wife of 33 years, Terri, passed last December 26 of cancer and took our sibling interactions to a whole new level of transparency, grief, and loss.

Karen is about thirteen years younger than me and lives in Dripping Springs, Texas, just southwest of Austin. She's a nurse and works as a certified care manager with Centene Corporation. Lots of lower income pregnant moms find Karen as a resource for prenatal needs and advocacy education.

Our geographic distance from each other doesn't allow much face to face, in person conversation. But we've used our own private text thread for the past 3-4 years to update, vent, support, and stay in touch with each other. I often find myself wanting to share things with Ken and Karen - things we likely wouldn't post on social media or with very many others in our lives.

Here's a partial listing of the kinds of things that have flowed in the "virtual triangle" of Springfield, Greenfield, and Dripping Springs:

• Terri's discovery in 2018 that she has breast cancer and her desire to seek alternative treatment. Her decision seemed successful until early 2021.
• Concerns about our parent's aging and healthcare issues and the decision to have them relocate from central Illinois to Springfield. Mom and Dad made this transition in May, 2019.
• Updates on our children and grandchildren - their achievements and accomplishments as well as challenges and questionable decisions.
• COVID masking and vaxxing "discussions" - each of us sharing our perspectives, but also listening carefully and respectfully to each other.
• Aftermath of the 2020 election - again each of us sharing our perspectives while staying connected to each other.
• Passing along both political and nonpolitical memes and humor from social media to each other. What a welcome resource for comic relief!
• Our Dad's decline into dementia and cognitive impairment in May, 2021 which led us to relocate him to a safe and secure memory unit in Springfield. His hip fracture and surgery later that year resulted in further decline and his death at 88 on November 12, 2021. I'll never forget Facetiming Ken and Karen just after 11 am to notify them of his passing.😢
• Working together to share a tribute to Dad at his funeral in Arthur, Illinois. We took turns reading through several pages I had mapped out with feedback from Ken and Karen. Rarely have I ever felt so close to them.
• Lots of daily communication in the weeks leading up to Terri's death at 62 on December 26, 2021. Ken had called me about her cardiac arrest and doing CPR as it was happening a week or so before. Then the agonizing call from him as I was taking a morning walk. She had drawn her final breath after midnight.
• Being together at Terri's life celebration in January, 2022. Another day of closeness between us, but just the start of the incredible loss and grieving process for Ken. How do you support someone who has just lost the love of his life? No words. Only presence and love.
• Supporting Ken's journey from Pain to Purpose as he worked through the intense grief and loss of Terri. So many positive outflows of this that I'll treasure forever.
• Mom's fall in the shower at her condo on April 1, 2022. Four ribs broken and concerns about her oxygen levels dipping into the 80's. About two months of recovery included a hospital stay, then physical therapy, then assisted living. Mom let the three of us make the decision for her not to return to the condo. Instead she would transition to independent living where she is now at Wooded Glen in Springfield.

Circa 1976 - as you can see, Karen was our "baby sister"!

Reading tribute at Dad's funeral, November 16, 2021

I could share more bullets/blurbs, but you get the picture. As I look back over the listing I observe that loss and grief are two elements that kept bringing us together. We've all found consolation and encouragement as siblings who are there for each other. Our faith and family bonds have served us well to navigate the hard and impossible things of life.

So . . . Ken and Karen, I love you guys and consider myself very lucky to be your brother. I know we'll have plenty of occasions to keep up this valuable and memorable triangle as sibs!❤️