By Encompass Outreach Group
Every relationship has difficulties like arguments, disagreements, and fights. Marriage is no different. When conflict arises in a marriage, the most important thing to remember is that the conflict is not the problem. How you deal with the conflict is the real issue, because you can either resolve it or magnify it. Here are some tips for resolving conflict in marriage.
Discussion. Discussing the conflict with your partner is critical to resolving conflicts in marriage. Find a good time to talk when neither of you is busy, tired, or distracted. Sit face-to-face, where you can make eye contact with your spouse and show that you are listening to them. When you talk, be calm, honest, and straightforward. Don’t raise your voice or pace around the room.
Take Responsibility. Take responsibility for your role in the conflict and apologize to your partner. This can be difficult, especially in the heat of the moment. That’s why calming yourself before discussing the conflict is essential. Usually conflicts spiral out of control when both individuals try to prove they are correct. While you may firmly believe you are right, proving that won’t help the conflict or your partner. You must search for the resolution that is best for both parties. Put your feelings aside and try to see the situation from your partner’s perspective.
Emotional Resolve. The emotional resolve of the conflict is much more important than figuring out the situation that started the conflict. For example, if the conflict began due to a large purchase that wasn’t agreed upon, you will of course want to reach the resolution where you both promise to not make purchases like that in the future. However, reaching an emotional resolution where both partners feel close, open, secure with one another, and can move forward as a team is even more critical.
Encompass Connection Center helps couples learn how to resolve conflict and create fulfilling, productive relationships. We offer a free relationship assessment to determine your relationship’s strengths and potential threats. For more help, look into our RINGS Experience, which is an in-depth education and coaching model to help build real intimacy and growth skills.
Lavern & Ronda Nissley are co-directors of Encompass. Married since 1978, both enjoy coffee, riding their tandem bicycle and working together to build strong relationships.