How to avoid showing up on Dateline

The theme for August posts will be Finances/Money in Marriage, which seems to be a common issue between spouses.

By Lavern Nissley
Encompass Executive Director

"Money is the root of all evil", right?

Wrong. It is the LOVE of money that creates problems. Ronda and I have watched this play out dozens of times on Dateline, the NBC show of 31 seasons that specializes in "compelling mysteries, powerful documentaries, and in-depth investigations." Typically, one or both partners are on a trajectory that has them loving money or pursuing sex outside of the relationship and ending in murder.

But marriage and money CAN go together well, provided that the following tips are followed. If implemented, we can almost guarantee that you won't end up on Dateline!

Here are five tips to keep marriage and money running smoothly:

• Work together as a team where both have access and input into financial decisions. While compromises and negotiations are inevitable, the time it takes to come to agreement is much less than the time it takes to unravel a "team-less" decision that goes south. Most healthy relationships have both a "kite" (entrepreneur/spender) and a "string" (penny-pincher/saver). Both are needed to make the kite fly successfully.
• Keep maximum transparency so that each partner has the same knowledge about accounts, balances, and financial commitments. We've used an app called YNAB (You Need a Budget) for years that puts all of our accounts, transactions, and budget categories in the palms of our hands, on our smartphones. No secret accounts or hidden stashes.
• Take a simple finance course together so that both of you are playing by the same rules. There are some financial options that just aren't smart or a good idea. Learning smart finances together (like in a Dave Ramsey course) avoids trainwrecks down the road.
• Spend less than you earn and save and invest the rest. This is one of those golden rule guidelines most good finance courses would include. It's simple math. Credit card debt can put great strain on a relationship, but it can be eliminated by cutting up the card the first month you can't fully pay off the credit card bill.
• Huddle at least monthly, if not weekly, to review how things are going financially. It's a way of syncing up on expectations and expenditures. Football teams huddle in advance of most plays to get on the same page and work together as a team.

The most common source of disagreement in families in the United States is money. 

• 37% of married couples indicated finances as their number one problem.
• Of couples getting a divorce, 85-90% say the number one problem they were having is finances (Larry Burkett).

Financial reflections
"What we're doing well financially is . . ."


"What we could do better financially is . . ."


Homework
Each take the FREE Money Personalities Survey and then discuss the results.


If you have read this far and are serious about implementing (or continuing to apply) the tips you've seen - Keith Morrison probably won't be doing a Dateline story on your marriage!

Money Personalities Survey

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