How not to "phub" your partner

By Lavern Nissley

When I typed the title of this blog post a few seconds ago, my computer put a red line under the word "phub". Meaning it's not a word it recognizes. Until last week I had never heard of it either.

By the time you've read through this post you'll know it's definition as well as how not to do it.

So in 2012 a group began an anti-phubbing movement. Phubbing (are you ready for the definition?) = "snubbing" + "phone", or snubbing your partner with your phone.

In Rob Wile's 10/2/15 post entitled 'Phubbing' is ruining American relationships he cited a survey of more the 400 individuals by Baylor University where "46.3% of respondents said their partners snubbed them by taking to their phone, or 'phubbed' them. And 22.6% said it 'caused issues' in their relationship."

I love the list Ashley Willis included in her 7/1/19 post: Social Media and Marriage: How to Keep It From Killing Your Marriage.

1. Put your cellphones in a specific place at a particular time each night so that you can give your spouse and family your full focus.
2. Do your best to not be on a phone call or texting when you get home from work so that you can greet your spouse and kids with a smile and your best attention.
3. Share all your passwords with your spouse so that there are no secret interactions or accounts that your spouse isn’t aware of.
4. Don’t go searching for “old flames” on your social media, and don’t send them messages or respond to their posts. No good will come from this, and it will damage your spouse’s trust in you.
5. Install filtering software on all your devices (smartphones, laptops, e-readers, iPads, etc.) to block inappropriate websites and to monitor how much time you spend on your devices and different websites. You can even set time limits as well. A great site/app for this that we often recommend is called Qustodio.
6. Don’t bring your phone to the dinner table, and don’t have it on the table during a date night. If you receive a call/text, ignore it and check it later when your family dinner or date is over.

It just struck me that the word "phub" is very close in pronunciation to the words "fib" and "flub". Both have negative connotations including dishonesty and failure, NOT good ingredients for healthy relationships.

Join us in prioritizing relationships above our phones/social media. #PhubFreeZone