Glorifying Busy

​By: Hollie Kowalski, Encompass Outreach Coordinator

A day in the life of the Kowalskis: 

7-8a drop kids off at school (two different schools)
-38 min drive-
9a-2p work
-35 min drive-
2:45p pick Josie up from school,
-35 min drive-
3:30p pick Dom up from school, drop him at home; Josie change clothes
-25 min drive-
5p drop Josie off at rowing (use carpool for pickup)
-55 min drive-
7:30p Isaiah's soccer game
-55 min drive-
9:30-10:45p Homework, showers, and finally... bedtime

This is a fairly typical week night schedule for our family. It makes me cranky just planning it, but this is what families "do" now right? This is the new "normal." But how is this new normal affecting our families?

I heard someone say once, "keeping children busy, keeps them out of trouble." OK... it was me. I said it. Is it too late to take that back?  Our children (the three still at home) are 17, 15, and 13 years old. All three kids, my husband, and I have each shared at one time or another since school started this year, that we feel "drained, scattered, anxious, or less connected to each other." 

So what is the definition of being "too busy?" Is this jam-packed schedule good for our family? The answer to this question will vary by perspective of course, but as you are deciding remember: 

• Many times, children who go from one activity to the next and have the pressures of homework and other obligations, lose the time and ability to decompress and rest. They are often less likely to connect with parents and siblings and in turn, the family bond starts to break down. 
• Being a family that is overscheduled can often lead to systematic thoughts of what needs to be done next, where the next drop off is, what the next event will consist of, and this leads to very little time for self-care or "spouse-care." You may begin to push thoughts of your own happiness and the connection with your spouse way down on the priority list. 

We live in a society that tends to "glorify busy." The more work/activities/ sports/hobbies, the better. Unfortunately, this type of thinking can make us feel so "stretched" that the thought of devoting time and energy to another is quite honestly, exhausting. Because of our natural need for emotional connection, these feelings can lead to loneliness and eventually the breakdown of our relationships. 

For the Kowalskis, a future scheduling change is apparent. For now, I dream of Sundays... The day for us, when no "boxes have to be checked." When (most often) there are little to no schedules. When we get to sit together at church and then go to that rarely visited, oh-so-cozy place we call home to be with the ones that matter the most. Where every minute together counts! 


Whether you're looking for a new start or just some guidance and growth in your relationship or parenting abilities, you can get in touch with a knowledgeable and sincere advocate or coach at Encompass Connection Center by following the links below. 

GET IN TOUCH

FREE RELATIONSHIP ASSESSMENT

FREE PARENTING ASSESSMENT