Father's Day surprise

By Lavern Nissley
(This post is birthed out of a challenging, life-altering experience affecting Lavern & Ronda Nissley, Encompass co-directors.)

Ronda was feeling some abdominal discomfort the Friday before Father’s Day, similar to an episode she had experienced earlier with diverticulitis. What worked before was antibiotics. So when she went to Urgent Care on Father’s Day and was sent to the ER for a CAT scan, she was still thinking, “I just need some antibiotics.”

I joined Ronda in the ER after receiving her text that she had been sent there. We were not prepared for the results of the CAT scan.

The doctor said, “You do have diverticulitis and with it a perforated bowel. We need to do surgery today.”

​di·ver·tic·u·li·tis /ˌdīvərˌtikyəˈlīdəs/, noun: inflammation of a diverticulum, especially in the colon, causing pain and disturbance of bowel function.

Then when the surgeon came in to show us the CAT scan and go into more depth, we learned some sobering information about the procedure, recovery logistics and just how life threatening this could have become without immediate attention.

Surprises happen in life. Some are good and celebrated. Some are bad and grieved. This was the latter.

We found it helpful to reflect on what changed and what didn’t change with this surprise.

What changed

• Our schedule - A Father’s Day dinner with family and a plane trip to Denver to be with family in 10 days were immediate casualties. So were our work calendars at Encompass in order to attend to the priority of Ronda’s healing and recovery.
• Our diet - More for Ronda than me, but essential for proper healing and restoration of her digestive system. Lots of liquids, jellos, broths, popsicles, flavored ice. No Los Mariachis Mexican cuisine for now!
• Our leisure - A favorite summer activity of ours is going on long tandem bike rides together that includes a destination meal or ice cream. Not happening for a while! Definitely no racquetball.
• Our awareness of mortality - Nothing like a near miss with a potentially fatal experience.

What didn’t change

• Our faith in God - In fact, this trust in Our Father is remarkably sustaining to us. Billions of people have experienced hardships throughout history. Job, the ancient patriarch, hung in there without ever finding out why he suffered so much.
• Our love for each other - Both of us are experiencing losses, yet our commitment to our marriage/partnership is growing stronger. Ronda’s the one in the hospital bed for this surprise, but we’re in this together.
• Our life purpose - A life altering surprise doesn’t change our passion for healthy relationships and marriages. If anything it is strengthened as we ourselves are stretched.
• Our joy - Yes, there are things even in darkness that lift our hearts and give us great appreciation. Family and friends have been overwhelmingly supportive, wanting to help at every turn. We’re grateful this happened after moving my parents to Springfield and the completion of a major grant proposal Ronda wrapped up in April.

While this post is meant to be encouraging and not wallowing in despair, we realize that we’re only starting on this journey.

Thank you in advance for your thoughts and prayers on our behalf. We will surely need them.
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