Are you "quiet quitting" your relationship?

By Ronda Nissley
Encompass Co-director


By now, you may have heard the term “quiet quitting” in relationship to employment. If you haven’t, this is when an employee decides to do “just enough to get by” – no extra effort, no striving for excellence, and no emotional buy-in to the mission and purpose of their employer.


This is justified by our desire for work/life balance and the sense that we don’t owe our employer anything but to do the job we’ve been hired to do. Personally, I’m very curious how this will work long-term – for the employee as well as the employer.

Unfortunately, as we work with couples, we see one or both partners that have applied this concept of “quiet quitting” to their marriage – doing just enough to get by – no extra effort, no striving for excellence, and no emotional buy-in.


They may believe that if conflict can be kept to a minimum and they fulfill their household responsibilities, they’re doing ok. This mode of operating only works so long. Eventually, little cracks begin to appear, the couple drifts apart, and then a major life crisis hits, and the marriage is exposed as fragile and unlikely to survive without intervention.


The antidote to “quiet quitting” is to commit to being “all in”. Proactivity and intentionality in investing in the marriage should be a lifelong commitment. Five proactive ways to nurture and strengthen your marriage are:
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• Daily connection – RINGS chat and praying together.
• Have fun together – find things you enjoy and that make you laugh. Use these conversation starters provided by WinShape Marriage to have some fun conversations.
• Get off your phone! – create “phone free” zones such as at dinner/meals and on dates. Put on “do not disturb” and leave phone in a different room.
• Pay attention to your partner’s complaints – even if you’ve heard them many times and they’re about housework, money, lack of affection, in-laws or texting.
• Appreciate your partner – target at least 1 appreciation each day.

Are you guilty of “quiet quitting” in your marriage? Or underachieving in any other relationship/responsibility? Hopefully, these few minutes together will inspire you to aim higher. Few relationships thrive with less effort.

Let Encompass Connection Center help you make your relationship a priority. We'll help you learn how to create a fulfilling, productive relationship for years to come. We offer a free relationship assessment to determine your relationship’s strengths and potential threats. For additional help, look into our RINGS Experience, which includes marriage strengthening exercises and a coaching model to help build real intimacy and growth skills. We'll also help you to break those destructive patterns that may negatively impact generations.

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