Are you listening?

By: Hollie Kowalski
Encompass Outreach Coordinator

We spend 70-80% of our day engaged in some form of communication. 55% of that time is generally devoted to listening. The average person who has not worked to develop good listening skills will only remember about half of any recent conversation. 48 hours after the conversation, they are likely to only remember 25% or less… and then there’s me.  My “working mom brain” has so many “open tabs” at any given time, I consider it a win if I remember my own children’s names on a daily basis.

Because of the “coordinated chaos” in my head sometimes, I tend to “drift” when conversing with my husband-especially in the evening after a long day. We don’t have much time together during the week and I always want him to feel that he is important, that I value his thoughts and emotions. So…

​As we dive deeper into the importance of good communication this month, I wanted to find out more about being a better active listener. Active listening requires listening attentively, understanding what is being said, being able to respond, reflect, and retain the information. Being a better active listener will keep both my husband and I actively engaged in the conversation and will keep our intimacy and connection strong.

To become a better active listener, I will:
​

1. Avoid getting distracted by my own thoughts by focusing intently on my hubby and his topic. I’ll put my kids’ schedules, the Kroger click-list, and “work stuff” on hold to show him that what he has to say is important to me.
2. Try not to interrupt. I sometimes blurt out a thought that comes to mind for fear of forgetting it before he finishes his thought. I usually catch myself, but by that time I’ve already “derailed” his train of thought.
3. Use “door openers.” These are phrases that will keep us both engaged and keep him motivated to tell me more!
4. Use body language, to show him that my mind is on our conversation. My eyes will prove that I am engaging instead of planning tomorrow’s dinner in my mind.

When my husband feels appreciated, he thrives. I’m willing to put the work in to become a better listener. Are you? 

GET IN TOUCH

FREE RELATIONSHIP ASSESSMENT

THE RINGS EXPERIENCE