3 signs of communication confusion

By Lavern Nissley

Ronda and I are facilitating relationship skills training in Costa Rica with 36 students preparing for missions and service outreach in Central America.

A unique aspect of this training is that all of our sessions are needing to be interpreted into Spanish, as about half of the students understand limited English.

It got us thinking about how often we might benefit from an interpreter, even while speaking the same language! There are at least 3 signs of communication confusion.

Good communication happens when meaning is shared and received accurately. It goes off the rails into confusion under the following 3 conditions:

• When the conversation has escalated emotionally. Heightened emotions typically bring about confusion and misunderstanding. For good reason. Some research shows that communicating while angry reduces communication effectiveness by over 50%. It's best to hit the pause button until emotions have de-escalated.
• When someone is mind-reading. Jumping to conclusions about what the other person is saying is both unfair and unhelpful. "Well, you're just . . . <insert a negative interpretation>!" This typically leads to defensiveness because "that's NOT what I meant or what I feel!" It's best to let the person talking express what's in his or her heart rather than imposing what I think is there.
• When listening has gone on a vacation. Listening takes energy and concentration. Usually done best when looking at each other and making the conversation a PRIMARY focus. Oh, how often we just kind of tune out while continuing to shake our heads as if listening. Sometimes we get by, if you're like me, you can also get caught! "What did I just say?" How much better to give full attention or reschedule the conversation to a time when you can.

If you're experiencing any of the above on a regular basis, you might benefit from an "interpreter"--a skilled listener and communicator who can hear both sides and help all parties maximize their communication effectiveness. A wise friend, counselor, coach, clergy--someone trusted and experienced should be able to help reduce the confusion you're feeling.

It's a worthy investment of time and resources. Who wants to stay in a "crazy cycle" of communication confusion where meanings get lost and emotions get shredded?