12 important questions for your kids

By Lavern Nissley

I noticed a recent Facebook post by good friend Jeff Pinkleton about his annual check in with daughter, Leah. He referenced an article from All Pro Dad that provides a helpful framework for doing annual check ins with his kids. Could be appropriate for more frequent than annual, if that's a better rhythm for you.

Want to see the questions?

Andrew Linder, the author of the article Jeff cited, has this to say as an introduction to the 12 honest questions: "As each year comes to a close and we approach a new year, I take each of my four kids out individually and ask them to honestly answer these questions. And what I’ve found is that it not only helps me to hear what’s in my child’s heart, it tremendously helps me be a better parent in the coming year."

Questions for teens

1. What do you feel has been one of your greatest accomplishments in the last year?
2. What has been one of your greatest struggles this past year?
3. Has anything happened in your life in the last year that I don’t know about, but that you think I should know about?
4. If you could change one thing about the last year, what would it be?
5. If you could have one thing different in our family, what would it be?
6. How are things between you and God?
7. What is one area that you feel God is working in your life about the most right now, and is there anything specific that I can pray for you about?
8. If you were the parent, and I was your child, what would you do differently? (Or… What is one thing I do as a parent that bothers you most?)
9. What is your #1 desire or dream that you would like to see become a reality in the coming year? (Or… What is something that you really want to pursue more?)
10. What can I do to help you reach that goal?
11. What is one specific thing/event/adventure that you would like for us to do together in the coming year?
12. Is there anything (nothing is off limits) that you would like to tell me, talk about with me, or ask me about?

Finish the sentence… You feel most loved by me when _________________________________.


Questions for pre-teens

1. What was your favorite part/memory from the last year?
2. What was your worst part/memory from the last year?
3. Do you feel close to God, and that God is close to you?
4. If you were my parent, and I was your child, what would you do differently? (Or… If you could have one thing different in our family, what would it be?)
5. What is something you’d like for us to do together (or do more of together) in the coming year?
6. Is there anything (nothing is off limits) that you would like to ask me or talk to me about?

Finish the sentence… You feel most loved by me when _________________________________.

You may already have some go to questions for your own children. Awesome! Hopefully the ones above can stimulate even more quality conversations with your children as you invest in parenting them well.