You Are in the Right Place
By Dr. David M. Mabry
Executive Director
Choosing Your Next Step Toward a Healthier Marriage
Picture a couple sitting across from me during an intake appointment at Encompass Connection Center. They have come looking for marriage help, but neither is sure what help could look like.
"I've asked him to open up to me for years," she says. "I've tried over and over. Now I'm tired, and I don't know if I want to keep trying."
He looks down, then answers. "I should have listened. I see that now. I want to work on our marriage, but I don't know where to start."
She pauses, then adds, "Somewhere along the way, I stopped telling him what I needed. I just got quieter."
This conversation is a composite of many I have heard. One spouse is ready to change while the other wonders whether the change will last. Both feel hurt, misunderstood, and unsure.
After listening, I often say the same thing:
"You are in the right place."
Not because the hard part is over, but because they have already made a meaningful choice. They showed up, told the truth about where things stand, and asked for help.
That opens room to look for a way forward, even before they can see it.
You Don't Need All the Answers to Ask for Marriage Help
Perhaps you recognize something of your own marriage in that conversation.
You may wonder whether you have waited too long. You may love your spouse deeply and still feel worn out by the same arguments.
An illness, a job loss, or another unexpected season may have exposed strains you were already struggling to manage.
You don't have to know how everything will turn out before seeking marriage help. You don't even have to arrive with the same amount of hope as your spouse.
That is more common than you might think, and it is a workable place to begin. Trust may need rebuilding, and hurt needs to be heard.
Real change takes follow-through over time, but it starts with a single choice. Here is a question worth carrying with you:
What is one choice you can make today that puts you in a better place for hope, healing, and growth?
Begin With What You Can Own
When a marriage is struggling, it is easy to describe what our spouse needs to change. Looking honestly at ourselves takes more humility.
Maybe you interrupt when you feel misunderstood. Maybe you go quiet rather than explain what is bothering you.
Maybe your own frustration has grown so loud that you've stopped asking what your spouse is experiencing.
Try asking yourself: "What am I doing that makes connection harder, and what could I do differently?"
Then choose one specific action. Offer an apology without attaching an excuse. Follow through on a commitment you made.
Ask a sincere question and stay present for the whole answer. Each of us is responsible for our own behavior.
One spouse can start the change, but rebuilding a marriage takes both; one person cannot carry it alone.
Learn a Skill You Can Practice This Week
Many couples I meet were never taught practical skills for communication and conflict resolution. They care about each other, but caring doesn't automatically teach anyone how to navigate a hard conversation.
These skills can be learned and practiced. Start small.
The next time you talk about an everyday concern (not your biggest conflict), let your spouse finish, then summarize what you heard before sharing your own perspective:
"You're feeling overwhelmed, and you'd like us to divide the household responsibilities more clearly. Did I get that right?"
Then give your spouse a chance to clarify. That small pause shows you are working to understand, not just waiting for your turn to talk.
Finding support that fits your situation is another important choice.
Take Your Next Step Toward Help
You don't have to figure out on your own whether relationship coaching, education, or counseling would help most.
At Encompass, a free intake conversation gives us time to hear your story, understand where your relationship is today, and explore next steps together.
Those steps may include relationship coaching and education, or a referral to a trusted counseling partner when that is the better fit.
You can come with questions, with uncertainty, or with one of you more hopeful than the other. You can tell us honestly where things stand.
So, what is one choice you can make today that puts you in a better place for hope, healing, and growth? For many couples, that choice is simply reaching out.
You don't need every answer before taking that step. When you choose to seek help and begin moving toward health, I want you to hear what I tell the couples who sit across from me:
Ready to Build the Connection Your Marriage Deserves?
The RINGS Experience helps couples strengthen communication, navigate conflict, and rebuild emotional connection — with practical tools that work in real life.
• Learn skills for honest, safe conversations
• Understand patterns that may be creating distance
• Build the foundation your relationship was designed to have
→ Take the Free Relationship Assessment
→ Learn About the RINGS Experience
→ Schedule a Free Intake Conversation
Put Intentional Connection Into Practice
Looking for a simple way to be more intentional about your connection? Join Encompass Connection Center’s #DateYourSpouseChallenge
and commit to making time for each other beyond the schedules, responsibilities, and routines of everyday life.
Plan an intentional date with your spouse, take a photo together, and share it on Facebook using #DateYourSpouseChallenge.
Be sure to tag Encompass Connection Center so we can celebrate with you—and challenge another married couple to join in!
Follow the Encompass Connection Center Facebook page to participate, see other couples taking the challenge, and find encouragement to
Keep Dating. Keep Connecting. Keep Thriving.