Too Much of a Good Thing Can Apply to Time Together in Marriage

By Kermit Rowe

Encompass Facilitator

The Value of Time Together—and Apart

You can't give what you don't have.

That is a universal truth, whether it applies to material goods, finances, time … or in relationships.

Another principle that has been true, and emphasized throughout the Bible, is that the best life is found in balance ... not in extremes or the pursuit and consumption of "more."

Put these two principles together, and you can see that too much of a good thing isn't always good. Even when it comes to the spouse you love with all your heart, have built your life around, and know that only “death will do you part.”

We need our “alone time.” We need solitude, with God, in nature, with a good book … whatever you do to self-release the stresses of life. That time is not necessarily a withdrawal from your marriage.

In fact, healthy time apart can give you an opportunity to rest, reflect, grow, and return to your relationship with more to give.

So, yes, under certain conditions, you can spend too much time with your spouse. Here are three of those certain conditions:

1. It can lead to co-dependency

Too much time together can create an unhealthy relationship dynamic in which a person sacrifices their own needs to fix or rescue another … or worse yet, to satisfy someone’s demands.

This is particularly challenging within the bonds of marriage, because we are supposed to sacrifice for and serve our spouse. Done right, this enriches and unleashes marital bliss.

But it can also cross over the line into an unhealthy dynamic.

You may be dealing with a form of this if you recognize one-sided roles, poor boundaries, enabling behavior, and/or a loss of identity or self-worth.

Healthy interdependence looks different. You can depend on your spouse, support one another, and make decisions as a team while still taking responsibility for your own emotions, choices, growth, and relationship with God.

The goal isn't independence from your spouse, but a healthy relationship in which two people can grow individually while continuing to grow together.

2. Your individual identity can get crowded out

Yes, a good marriage has a lot of “we” and “us” focus. But if you can’t see who you are as an individual, who God created you to be, you’ve lost that healthy 50-50 balance and chemistry that’s found in all satisfying marriages.

Again, this can be particularly challenging for Christians because it says in the Bible that when we marry, “two become one.”

Yet we are ultimately still individually responsible and accountable to God. Giving Him the steering wheel is the best way to navigate this.

Maintaining your individual identity doesn't mean living separate lives. It can mean continuing to develop your gifts, friendships, interests, faith, and sense of purpose.

Those experiences can actually give you more to bring back into your marriage. You have new things to talk about, new perspectives to share, and opportunities to continue learning about the person your spouse is becoming.

A healthy marriage makes room for both “me” and “we.”

3. A lack of quality time is a painful reality

Once connection becomes a priority, give your conversations purpose.

Rather than relying only on spontaneous opportunities to talk, create intentional space to move beyond logistics.

Talk about what is going well, what has been difficult, what you appreciate about one another, what you need, and what you hope for in the future.

Encompass Connection Center’s foundational RINGS conversation framework can help couples move beyond surface-level communication and practice the skills that strengthen understanding and connection.

Purpose also invites couples to consider a bigger question: What kind of relationship are we trying to build together?

For couples of faith, that purpose may also include considering how their marriage reflects their shared faith, values, and calling.

For others, it may center on the values, commitments, family culture, and legacy they hope to create together.

Whatever that purpose looks like for you, naming it gives you something meaningful to move toward together.

Balance Doesn't Mean Distance

Creating healthy space in marriage isn't about pulling away from your spouse. It's about recognizing what helps each of you remain emotionally, spiritually, and relationally healthy.

For one person, renewal might look like quiet prayer in the morning. For another, it might be exercising, reading, spending time outdoors, pursuing a hobby, or connecting with a trusted friend.

The amount of alone time each spouse needs may also be different—and that's okay.

The important thing is to communicate about those needs rather than assuming your spouse should automatically understand them.

Healthy couples can ask, “What helps you recharge?” while also asking, “Are we getting enough meaningful time together?”

Sometimes, when we’re both entrenched in life together, neither partner can recognize when things get out of balance.

Encompass Connection Center’s signature RINGS program with individual coaching will help you rediscover that elusive balance your relationship needs to thrive.

Ready to Build the Connection Your Marriage Deserves?

The RINGS Experience helps couples strengthen communication, navigate conflict, and rebuild emotional connection — with practical tools that work in real life. 

• Learn skills for honest, safe conversations 

• Understand patterns that may be creating distance 

• Build the foundation your relationship was designed to have 

→ Take the Free Relationship Assessment

→ Learn About the RINGS Experience 

→ Schedule a Free Intake Conversation 

Put Intentional Connection Into Practice

Looking for a simple way to be more intentional about your connection? Join Encompass Connection Center’s #DateYourSpouseChallenge

and commit to making time for each other beyond the schedules, responsibilities, and routines of everyday life.

Plan an intentional date with your spouse, take a photo together, and share it on Facebook using #DateYourSpouseChallenge.

Be sure to tag Encompass Connection Center so we can celebrate with you—and challenge another married couple to join in!

Follow the Encompass Connection Center Facebook page to participate, see other couples taking the challenge, and find encouragement to

Keep Dating. Keep Connecting. Keep Thriving.