What Anchors the Faith of Our Children: Insights for Parents Raising Kids in Faith

By Dr David Marine Mabry

Encompass Executive Director

I remember a moment that caught me completely off guard.  Our youngest, Gabe, was about seven years old. We were sitting around the lunch table as a family, talking about God—how He created the world, how He is present in our lives. Out of nowhere, Gabe looked at me with complete sincerity and asked, “Dad, how do you know God really did all that?” 

I paused. 

Not because I didn’t believe—but because I realized something in that moment: faith is not inherited by assumption. It is formed, shaped, and wrestled with over time.  As parents, we sometimes assume that if we teach it well enough or take them to church, our kids will simply carry it forward. But both experience—and research—tell us it’s not quite that simple. 

What the Research Says 

Sociologist Vern L. Bengtson spent over 35 years studying more than 350 families across four generations. His landmark book, Families and Faith: How Religion Is Passed Down across Generations, offers one of the most comprehensive looks at how faith is (and isn’t) passed down.  His findings are both sobering and hopeful.  Yes—some children do walk away from the faith of their parents.  But Bengtson discovered something critical: 

The single greatest predictor of whether faith endures is not religious pressure… but relational warmth. 

In other words, connection—not control—is what carries faith across generations. 

What We Tried to Do (Imperfectly) 

Theresa and I were not perfect parents. But we were intentional.  We took seriously the call of Scripture found in Deuteronomy: 

“Hear, O Israel: The Lord our God, the Lord is one. You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your might. And these words that I command you today shall be on your heart. You shall teach them diligently to your children, and shall talk of them when you sit in your house, and when you walk by the way, and when you lie down, and when you rise. You shall bind them as a sign on your hand, and they shall be as frontlets between your eyes. You shall write them on the doorposts of your house and on your gates.” (Deuteronomy 6:4–9, ESV) 

We didn’t live this out perfectly—but we tried to live it consistently. 

• At dinner, we had simple, age-appropriate devotions. 

• In the car, we played faith-based stories like Adventures in Odyssey. 

• In everyday life—TV shows, music, conversations—we would pause and talk about what we were seeing through a lens of faith. 

Not in a rigid or legalistic way. Just naturally.  “Hey, that lie really hurt that person, didn’t it? What do you think would have been a better choice?”  We tried to bring faith into real life, not just keep it in a church setting. 

Bengtson’s Practical Insights for Parents 

Bengtson’s research gives us some incredibly helpful and practical direction. Here are five key takeaways—and what they can look like in everyday life: 

1. Prioritize Warm, Open Relationships 

Children are far more likely to carry forward the faith of parents they feel close to. 

This means your tone, your presence, and your emotional availability matter more than having all the right answers. When Gabe asked his question, what mattered most wasn’t a perfect theological response—it was that he felt safe enough to ask. 

2. Create Space for Questions and Doubt 

Questioning is not the enemy of faith—it is often part of forming it. 

If our homes are places where questions are shut down, faith can feel fragile or forced. But if our homes are places where questions are welcomed, faith has room to deepen. 

3. Build Consistent (but Flexible) Faith Practices 

Regular rhythms matter—but they don’t have to be rigid. 

Dinner devotions, conversations in the car, and everyday moments of reflection create a steady environment where faith becomes part of life. It’s not about perfection—it’s about presence and repetition over time. 

4. Engage Multiple Generations 

Bengtson found that grandparents and other trusted adults play a meaningful role in faith transmission. 

Faith is strengthened when children see it lived out by more than just mom and dad. This is one of the reasons community—and the church—matters so much. 

5. Trust the Long Arc of Faith 

One of Bengtson’s most hopeful findings is this: faith journeys are not always linear. 

Some children drift. Some question. Some step away for a season. 

But when strong relational bonds remain, the door to faith often remains open. 

A Word to Parents Carrying the Weight 

If you are a parent whose child is questioning, drifting, or has walked away—you are not alone.  And this does not mean you failed.  Bengtson’s work reminds us that faith is not a formula. It is a journey. And your role is not to control the outcome—but to cultivate the relationship.  Stay connected. Stay present. Keep loving.  Because more often than we realize, it is that connection that God uses to draw hearts back over time. 

Final Encouragement 

We are incredibly grateful that our children are walking with the Lord today. But we don’t take that for granted—and we don’t take credit for it as if we executed some perfect plan. 

We simply tried to be faithful in the small things: 

• Consistent conversations 

• Everyday moments 

• Open doors for questions 

• And a home marked by love 

And according to both Scripture and research—that’s exactly where lasting faith is most often formed. 

If you need help navigating parenting challenges, reach out to us to schedule a free intake appointment! You can start by taking our parenting assessment. We would love to support you in raising your kids in faith!

Reference 

• Families and Faith: How Religion Is Passed Down across Generations by Vern L. Bengtson, Norella M. Putney, and Susan C. Harris