The Four Seasons of Marriage (Revisited)

By Dr David Marine Mabry

Encompass Executive Director

Most couples assume that the health of their marriage should feel consistent over time.

When things are good, it feels natural. When things are difficult, it can feel confusing—or even discouraging.

But one of the most helpful frameworks for understanding marriage comes from Dr. Gary Chapman in his book The 4 Seasons of Marriage. He describes marriage as moving through four seasons: winter, spring, summer, and fall.

This perspective is both simple and powerful. It reminds us that relationships are not static—they are dynamic and changing. And more importantly, no season is permanent.

Understanding the season you are in can help you respond with wisdom rather than react with frustration.

Winter — When Connection Feels Distant

Winter in marriage is marked by distance.

Communication may feel strained. Emotional connection can feel low. In more difficult cases, couples may feel discouraged or stuck.

Theresa and I experienced a mild version of this early in our marriage. We had moved to Cincinnati for a short season, but due to circumstances, we had to live apart while searching for a home. Our daughter Taylor had just been born, and our son Alex was about two years old. Theresa stayed with her mother about an hour away, while I lived with her aunt and uncle near my new job. We didn’t experience the harshness that some couples feel in a true “winter” season, but we did feel the effects of distance, stress, and limited connection. It was harder to communicate well. We felt the strain of being separated during an already demanding season of life. Winter doesn’t always mean a relationship is broken—but it does mean something needs attention.

Spring — When Growth Begins

Spring is a season of renewal and growth.

There is a sense of hope. Small changes begin to make a difference. Couples become more intentional, and progress starts to take shape.

For Theresa and me, a significant “Spring” season came in 2006 when I previously worked at Encompass Connection Center—then known as the Marriage Resource Center (2006-2008). During that time, we went through extensive relationship training in order to help other couples. What we discovered is something we still see today: when you begin to learn and apply relational skills, your own relationship begins to grow. There was a sense of anticipation during that season. We were learning, adjusting, and becoming more intentional in how we related to one another. Spring often begins with small steps in the right direction.

Summer — When Marriage Feels Strong

Summer is what most couples hope for.

It is marked by:

· strong connection

· mutual respect

· healthy communication

· enjoyment of time together

For us, much of our marriage has felt like Summer. We’ve experienced a high level of compatibility, and we’ve worked to maintain healthy communication and respect over the years. Many couples who have been married long-term would say the same: there are often more “summer days” than difficult ones. But summer does not happen by accident. It is sustained through intentional habits, ongoing communication, and continued investment in the relationship.

Fall — When Drift Begins Subtly

Fall is often the most overlooked season.

It doesn’t feel as intense as winter, but it carries early signs of drift:

· busyness increases

· connection decreases

· distractions take over

For many couples, fall shows up during the parenting years. Theresa and I have three wonderful adult children, but like most parents, we walked through the full range of challenges—infants, toddlers, teenagers, and everything in between.

Those years are full and meaningful, but they are also demanding. The pace of life can make it easy for couples to become focused on responsibilities while unintentionally neglecting their relationship. We experienced that at times. But we were deliberate about staying connected and not allowing the busyness of life to quietly pull us apart. Fall doesn’t have to lead to winter—but it often does if couples are not paying attention.

Understanding Your Season

One of the most helpful aspects of Dr. Chapman’s framework is that it gives couples language.

Instead of asking,“What is wrong with us?” you can begin to ask, “What season are we in?”

That question changes everything. It removes shame. It creates clarity. It opens the door for intentional action.

Moving Between Seasons

The goal of this framework is not to label your marriage—it is to help you navigate it. Every couple will experience different seasons. What matters is how you respond.

Healthy movement toward growth often includes:

· improving communication

· expressing appreciation

· addressing concerns early

· making intentional time for connection

These are not dramatic changes. They are small, consistent practices that shift the climate of a relationship over time.

No Matter the Season

Wherever you find yourself today—winter, spring, summer, or fall—there is hope.

Relationships can grow.

Patterns can change.

Connection can be rebuilt.

At Encompass Connection Center, we work with couples in every season. Some are looking to strengthen an already healthy relationship. Others are working to rebuild connection after a difficult period.

In every case, the path forward involves learning and applying practical relational skills.

Invitation

No matter what season your marriage is in, you don’t have to navigate it alone.

If you’re looking to strengthen communication, rebuild connection, or simply grow together, we invite you to take a next step.

You can begin with a relationship assessment or schedule an introductory conversation with our team. We would be honored to walk alongside you and help you move toward a healthier, more connected relationship.