Using CliftonStrengths to Deepen Your Marriage

By Theresa Mabry
Encompass Director of Operations

Have you ever wondered why your spouse reacts so differently to stress, goals, or even household tasks? Or why certain conversations energize you while others leave you feeling drained? These differences often go beyond preferences--they're rooted in how each of us is uniquely wired. 
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At Encompass Connection Center, David and I often coach couples and use personality assessments like Myers Briggs, DISC, and the Enneagram to help couples find out more about themselves and their partner. CliftonStrengths assessment (formerly StrengthsFinder) has become one of our favorite tools for marriage enrichment as it identifies what’s right with you—and how your strengths can build connection. ​

What Is CliftonStrengths? 

CliftonStrengths highlights what you naturally do best and how to build on it. In a marriage, this insight can be transformational. When couples understand each other’s strengths, they move from frustration to appreciation. You stop asking, "Why can’t they just do it my way?" and start asking, "How can our strengths work better together?" 
David and I took the StrengthsFinder assessment several years ago, and it was eye-opening. While we both value relationships and faith, our top strengths reveal very different approaches to life and leadership. 

Theresa’s Top 5 Strengths: 

1. Responsibility – I take commitments seriously and always follow through. 
2. Belief – Core values drive me; I’m passionate about meaningful work. 
3. Harmony – I seek peace and try to avoid unnecessary conflict. 
4. Achiever – I have a constant drive for productivity and progress. 
5. Developer – I see potential in people and love encouraging growth. 

David’s Top 5 Strengths: 

1. Strategic – He sees multiple paths and quickly navigates toward the best one. 
2. Activator – He wants to move ideas into action—now. 
3. Belief – Like me, he’s grounded in deep values and purpose. 
4. Command – He doesn’t shy away from taking charge or speaking truth. 
5. Input – He loves gathering knowledge, resources, and information. 

At first glance, our strengths align in beautiful ways. We both lead with Belief, which gives us a shared moral compass. I bring steadiness and empathy to our ministry work; David brings energy and strategic momentum. 

But we also discovered areas where our strengths can clash. For example, my Harmony strength craves agreement and calm, while David’s Command and Activator strengths can disrupt the peace in the name of progress. At times, his drive to make quick decisions has collided with my need to process or maintain harmony. 
Rather than seeing these differences as problems, we now see them as part of the strength-based design God gave us. We've learned to talk openly about our wiring and give each other space to operate in our strengths. 

Here are some tips to help you use CliftonStrengths to strengthen your relationship: 

1. Take the Assessment Together 
   Make it a date night! Take the test (you can start here) and compare results.
2. Share Your Reactions 
   What surprised you about your top strengths? Which ones felt spot-on? What do you admire in your spouse’s profile? 
3. Spot the Patterns 
   Notice how your strengths show up in real-life moments: conflict, parenting, decision-making. Are there areas where you feel energized or drained? 
4. Celebrate Complementary Strengths 
   One of you might be a Maximizer who wants excellence, while the other has Empathy that keeps people first. See how both are needed! 
5. Give Grace for Differences 
   Strengths like Command, Focus, or Competition can come across as blunt or driven. Harmony, Empathy, or Adaptability may seem too soft. Celebrate the full range of how God designed your partnership. 

Why Strengths Matter in a Faith-Based Marriage 

Romans 12:6 says, "We have different gifts, according to the grace given to each of us." CliftonStrengths echoes this truth: your marriage isn’t strong because you are the same. It’s strong when you recognize, honor, and leverage your God-given differences. 
David and I are still learning, still growing, and still discovering how our strengths shape our love, leadership, and legacy. The journey is rich—and it starts with understanding how we’re wired. 
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So, take the next step. Learn your strengths. Celebrate each other. And watch your marriage deepen through greater understanding. 
 
Ready to discover your strengths? Take the CliftonStrengths assessment and begin your journey today. ​