three signs your relationship might need help

By Abby Glaser
​Encompass Community Advocate

Often in our office, we see couples who should have come to us much sooner! By the time they step through our door, their relationship is on the verge of total disaster. On average, couples in crisis wait far longer than they should to reach out for help. So how do you know when you should? Let’s look at three signs to keep an eye out for!

Disconnection
Are you and your partner feeling disconnected? This can happen in relationships and isn’t always a red flag, sometimes life gets busy and we lose our connection briefly. But if left unchecked, it can lead to disaster. Often disconnection starts with fatigue. Work stresses, kids, schedules, in laws… all kinds of stressors can make us emotionally and physically tired. Sometimes that means our partner gets “the leftovers” at the end of day. This can often lead to irritability or insensitivity. When we get to this point any minor conflict or irritation can be the match that lights the fire! But here’s the good news: there is a simple ten minute daily practice you can put into place to help stay connected… the RINGS chat! This is one of the simple tools we teach in our RINGS experience course to combat disconnection and keep the lines of communication open. Try it!


Silence
Are you finding that you and your partner have run out of things to say? This one can be a little sneakier, often couples will say that they never argue as a justification that their relationship is healthy. But not all silence is golden, sometimes silence is things going unresolved. We can
find ourselves lonely and isolated, drowning under the weight of things left unsaid. Sometimes we need a simple step by step plan to address difficult topics. One we use in our programming is called the SOS approach. Here’s  a quick video to show how it’s done!


Contempt
Relationship researcher John Gottman has identified “Four horsemen” seeking to destroy relationships and number 3 is contempt. He describes it as “treating others with disrespect, mocking with sarcasm, ridiculing and eye-rolling all are types of contempt; all make another feel worthless. Contempt goes far beyond criticism. While criticism attacks character, contempt assumes a position of moral superiority over another and is fueled by long-simmering negative thoughts about the partner.” Contempt usually starts to occur over time through unresolved conflict, unsaid complaints and dissatisfaction with your relationship. This one is the most dire and an immediate red flag to reach out for help if you notice it in your relationship. The path from contempt to divorce can happen quickly if not addressed. You most likely need a professional relationship counselor or coaching to help you get past it. If this applies to you, please reach out to us for help!
At the end of the day, there can be many indicators that your relationship needs help other than the ones I've shared here. If you’re on the fence, you can start with our free relationship assessment! We desire to help you have the healthiest relationship possible and would love to help you do so!