The Power of Our words

By Cindee Johnson
​Relationship Champion and Encompass Partner

“If you can’t say anything nice then just don’t say anything at all!” That firm directive flew from the front seat to the back one summer as my family traveled out west. I was probably 10, and my little sister and I were arguing, again. Neither of us using nice words about the other as we tried to get our parents to choose sides.

Then Dad’s words and his tone settled it once and for all: “I said…if you can’t say anything nice then just don’t say anything at all!”

Nice words. You know the ones. The kind that build others up. You likely know the opposite, too. Harsh ones. Words that tear people down. Most of us have experienced in our lives some of each.

Words have proven time and time again to be a powerful influence in our lives. They are a significant force in forming our attitudes, beliefs, self-image, behaviors, thoughts, self-worth, even our relationships. They can soothe a soul, spark creativity, bring a smile, motivate, encourage, lift spirits. They also can crush a heart, trample self-esteem, cause great divides, create conflict. Whether we are in conversation with family or friends, at play or at work, words hold power.

Have you ever been in an environment where words didn’t matter? What was that like? How did it make you feel?

A person uses on average about 16,000 words per day. That’s a lot of words in a work week! Whether you are an overachiever or underachiever, talking is such a routine part of life that it’s easy to take it for granted. Yet, it’s foundational to the way we relate with and to others at home and at work.

Let’s unpack a few ways words specifically impact our relationships in the workplace. (This is good to apply at home, too!)

Words create the environment
Both the language and the tone used by leaders and co-workers builds either a supportive or toxic environment. Would you rather hear the phrase “Let’s figure this out together!” or “That’s your problem!”? The two have vastly different impacts and lead to entirely different results. Still, workplace conflicts are as much about what’s being said as they are about how it’s being said. The right words with the right tone can de-escalate a situation, while the wrong ones usually ignite it. Asking “Will you help me understand your perspective?” opens dialogue and generates ideas; saying “You’re wrong!” shuts it down.

Words influence mindset
How feedback is delivered—constructively or critically—will motivate or discourage. Saying “This is a strong start, so let’s talk about how we can strengthen it even more” is empowering. Saying “Never mind, I’ll just do it myself” is defeating. The co-worker who is empowered is then more eager to be a part of the organization while the one who is defeated only produces what is required.

Words build—or break—trust
People remember how they felt after a conversation more than they remember the words spoken. Did you hear that? People remember how they felt after a conversation more than they remember the words spoken. Clear, honest, respectful communication forms trust. Passive-aggressive comments, vague direction, unclear expectations destroy it.

Words are a powerful influence in our lives. How will you use your 16,000 each day?
​

Need help building an empowering and respectful workplace? Check out Encompass Connection Center's Work Smart, Live Well Program today!