Stories of Impact: Katana & Brendan’s Journey to a Stronger Marriage

By Kermit Rowe
​ECC Relationship Coach

Katana Wolfcomer and Brendan Myers were an engaged couple like all other engaged couples… in love and planning for a lifetime of happiness together. But they also knew they still had challenging issues of spotty communication and wavering trust, complicated by unresolved grief and childhood dysfunction, and it drove them to seek a better way before committing their lives to each other.

They found Encompass Connection Center’s foundational RINGS program, which is focused on strengthening relationship skills through practicing the truths of good communication. I, along with dozens of Clark County pastors, signed an Encompass-inspired pledge about two decades ago that I wouldn’t marry a couple unless they had some premarital counseling. AI-generated statistics support this claim with proven data that explain why: Studies show that completing premarital counseling reduces divorce rates by 31%, with couples reporting a 30% higher marital success rate. That translates into improved communication, stronger conflict resolution skills, and greater emotional well-being and satisfaction within their relationship.

Katana and Brendan have even more practical and experiential reasons why:

“I think it allowed us the space to look at the way we were feeling and express it in a way that the other wouldn’t take it wrongly,” she said. “We learned how to say it bluntly but not hurt each other while saying it.

“We both liked to shut down,” she continued. “You can’t really fix problems if the other person doesn’t know the source of the problem is.”

Brendan said he learned emotional withdrawal from his childhood.

“It’s my family’s way: Shut up and deal with it. Bottle it up until you explode, then you calm down, then bottle it up until you explode again. It’s kind of an emotional roller coaster,” he said.
“We’d have little disagreements, and we’d just shut down. And later in the night, when we’re getting ready for bed, she’d bring it up. And we were tired and not ready to put a lot into it,” he continued. “Now we agree to talk about it in the morning when you are in a better state of mind and more willing to think things through and pay attention.”

Brendan said that their coaching sessions with Encompass Connection Center helped him escape that isolating practice.

“It makes you feel more confident in what you are saying,” he said. “Before counseling, when I did try to communicate, I’d say it the wrong way. I’d say it in an aggressive or hurtful way. So learning to say it in a positive way has been the biggest thing for me.”

Brendan was quick to point out that he loves his parents. But he also realized that his childhood experience was a common challenge for boys raised in our macho culture.

“For most guys, expressing themselves isn’t common,” he said. “A lot of that is due to the world around you. People don’t want to hear a man whine about his problems. But at the end of the day, if you really love her and open up to her, it is a game-changer! If you really love them that much, you need to be willing to put in that effort.”

Now Katana wants everyone to experience the impact she and her now husband of 11 months have experienced first-hand.

“I’ve said it to so many people: Overall, if you think your relationship is good or not, this will help you,” she said. “I even said it to my parents. If you’re not happy but want to put
in the work, why not go somewhere to get good tools to use? “These skills work with any relationship,” she continued. “My relationship with my parents is the best it's ever been. Communications with my brother are great, and we’ve had some rocky years together. It has impacted every part of my life. When issues do come up now, I’m like ‘OK, let’s talk this out.’ That would not have been me before. It’s something that would benefit every single person, no matter what is going on in their life.”

Katana and Brendan are so sold on the benefits of their premarital sessions that they have been faithful with their recommended periodic check-in sessions, which are offered to every Encompass-trained couple.

“It’s just one of those things that continue to give us a lot of insights,” Katana said. “It’s just nice, every once in a while, to catch up and remind yourselves that you're both in it together. It’s like a muscle in my mind. It’s something you have to constantly refresh on. It’s like going to the gym, but we work on our communication muscles.”

If you are planning to enter wedded bliss soon, but haven’t had any premarital counseling, reach out to us here at Encompass. Or if you are already married and have a good relationship but want to turn “better” into “best,” Encompass training can take you there.

Stories like Katana & Brendan’s are possible because of friends like you. As our fiscal year ends this September, your gift to the Fund Drive will help more couples move from better to best

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