Preparing for and Entering the Empty Nest & Middle Years of Marriage - Years 21–28: A Season of Rediscovery, Renewal, and Reconnection

By Lavern Nissley
Encompass Relationship Facilitator

For many couples, the empty nest years arrive quietly—and then all at once. One day, your home is filled with backpacks, curfews, and constant motion; the next, the house is still, the calendar is open, and you and your spouse find yourselves looking at each other across the table, wondering, “So… now what?”

I distinctly remember walking past the three large graduation portraits of our two daughters and son after the youngest child had left home via a wedding. The thought hit me that "we would never be going back to the way things were with all three children under our roof and care." The sense of loss and sadness was real and generated a few tears.
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The transition into the middle years of marriage, especially as children launch into adulthood, can feel bittersweet. It’s a season of letting go, but also a season of uncovering what has been waiting beneath the surface all along: the opportunity to rediscover each other.

We have now been empty-nesters almost as long as we've been parents. A handful of observations below will help couples navigate this stage well.

1. Grieving What Was—Together

Even when you’re proud of your kids and thrilled for their independence, the shift can stir up real feelings of sadness, disorientation, or loss. Your routines change. Your roles change. Your identity as a parent changes.

Healthy couples permit themselves to grieve--together. Holding space for each other’s emotions—without rushing the process—is one of the most powerful ways to honor the years you’ve invested in your family. Grieving well makes room for what comes next.

So, we grieved for about three days (maybe one day for each child?). And then we began to see the upsides and opportunities of an empty nest! The food in the refrigerator lasted longer. Common spaces stayed, for the most part, picked up and uncluttered. We could walk around in our underwear!

2. Getting Curious Again

When you married, you knew each other inside and out. But after two decades of raising kids, careers, and commitments, you may realize you’ve subtly stopped asking deeper questions. The empty nest gives couples the gift of curiosity.
Try rediscovering each other with simple prompts like:

• “What’s something you want more of in this next season?”
• “What dream have you shelved that you’d enjoy revisiting?”
• “What’s one thing you’d love for us to do together this year?”

Many couples are surprised by how much they learn—how much both partners have grown, changed, and matured.

3. Choosing Connection on Purpose

The early years of marriage often included intentional dates, long conversations, and shared adventures. Over time, family demands naturally replaced those rhythms. Now, you get to choose them again—deliberately.

This season is ideal for:

• Establishing weekly or bi‑weekly date nights
• Planning weekend getaways
• Starting a shared hobby or project
• Reigniting spiritual practices together
• Having “tech‑free evenings” where you simply talk, play, or relax

Connection doesn’t return automatically—it returns because you nurture it. For us, it was choosing shared hobbies like riding our tandem recumbent bike, playing racquetball, taking longer than normal walks, and enjoying weekend getaways.

4. Embracing New Roles and New Freedom

With kids grown and responsibilities shifting, couples often discover newfound freedom:

More time.
More energy.
More space to invest in causes, friendships, and personal development.

A precious new role that came our way about three years after we became empty-nesters was grandparenting. I became Papaw; Ronda became Nana. Together we embraced a new kind of "parenting", one in which we could enjoy quality time with a little one, then hand her back to her mommy and daddy for the heavy lifting! 

Our first grandchild is now fifteen years old, and we've continued, as schedules allow, having her overnight weekly to give her parents a date night to themselves.

Your marriage becomes a launching pad, not just a landing place.

5. Dreaming Forward

The empty nest isn’t an ending—it’s a beginning.

Every couple has something beautiful still ahead of them. Whether it’s travel, ministry, building a business, strengthening family bonds, or simply enjoying quieter days together, the middle years offer a fresh canvas.

Ask each other:

• “What do we want our marriage to look like in the next 5–10 years?”
• “What legacy do we want to leave?”
• “How do we want to love people well—together?”

These questions breathe life into the years ahead and give your marriage fresh direction.

A Final Encouragement

If you’re preparing for or stepping into the empty nest years, take heart: this season is rich with possibility. You’ve poured decades into raising a family and building a life together. Now you get to cultivate a deeper, more intentional friendship and partnership.

The middle years aren’t just a phase to survive—they’re a season to savor.

A chance to rediscover your spouse.
A chance to rediscover yourself.
A chance to rediscover your marriage.
And with a little intentionality, these years can truly become some of your best yet. 

But don't wait until your nest is empty to nurture your marriage well. Having an empty nest AND an empty marriage would be doubly painful. Encompass Connection Center has relationship education resources to help your marriage thrive in all stages.