MBTI for Couples: Your Next Date Night Idea

By Dr. David Mabry
​Encompass Executive Director

If you're looking for a fresh and meaningful way to connect with your spouse—beyond the usual dinner and a movie—try exploring your personality types together. Taking time to understand each other’s unique wiring can be a powerful way to strengthen marriage communication, deepen empathy, and grow your relationship. Whether you're dating, engaged, newlyweds, or decades into marriage, using a personality assessment as a couples activity is a fun and insightful way to build greater connection and insight into how you both think, decide, and interact. 
​
One of the most helpful tools I’ve found for understanding personality is the Myers-Briggs Type Indicator® (MBTI). It’s a well-established framework that helps people understand how they naturally perceive the world and make decisions. I’ve used it personally, professionally, and in coaching sessions with couples, families, and workplace teams. In fact, I’m a certified MBTI practitioner and have seen how learning about personality can transform relationships. 

My wife, Theresa, and I have benefitted from the MBTI in our own marriage. I’m an ENTJ—which means I tend to be future-focused, decisive, and energized by leadership and structure. Theresa is an ESFJ—she is people-focused, caring, and organized with a strong sense of duty. These traits complement each other well. I often drive long-term goals forward, and she makes sure people aren’t lost in the process. But we also experience friction. I can move quickly, sometimes overlooking emotional nuances, while she naturally tunes in to others’ feelings and needs. Without understanding our differences, we could easily fall into frustration. But with the MBTI as a guide, we’ve learned to pause, understand, and appreciate each other’s wiring—and it’s made our marriage stronger. 

If you’ve never taken the MBTI or don’t know your personality type, now is a great time to explore it--together. 
 
What is the MBTI? 

The Myers-Briggs Type Indicator is based on the work of psychologist Carl Jung and developed into its current form by Isabel Briggs Myers and Katharine Cook Briggs. It outlines four dimensions of personality, each with two opposite preferences: 

1. Extraversion (E) / Introversion (I) – How you recharge your energy 

• Extraverts feel energized by being around people. 
• Introverts recharge through solitude.

2. Sensing (S) / Intuition (N) – How you take in information 

• Sensing types focus on facts, details, and the present moment. 
• Intuitive types look for patterns, meanings, and future possibilities. ​

3. Thinking (T) / Feeling (F) – How you make decisions

• Thinking types prioritize logic and fairness. 
• Feeling types prioritize empathy and values. 

4. Judging (J) / Perceiving (P) – How you approach structure 

• Judging types prefer plans and closure. 
• Perceiving types prefer flexibility and spontaneity. 

Your personality type is represented by one preference from each of the four categories—like ISTJ or ENFP. These preferences aren’t good or bad. They’re just different ways of seeing and interacting with the world. 

A Simple 4-Step Activity for Couples 

Here’s a fun and meaningful way to explore your MBTI personality types as a couple: 

1. Take the Assessment 
Go to 16Personalities.com and take the free personality test. It’s based on the MBTI framework and only takes about 10–12 minutes. It gives you a four-letter type and a user-friendly summary of how you process information, make decisions, and relate to others. 

Do it side-by-side or individually, then set aside time to talk through your results. 

2. Share and Compare 
After discovering your types, talk through these three questions: 

• What part of my description felt most accurate? 

• What surprised me? 

• What reminded me of our relationship? 

This helps create a safe space to reflect on how each of you is uniquely wired. 

3. Explore Your Couple Dynamic 
MBTI doesn’t predict compatibility, but it does help explain how two different personalities might interact. 

For instance: 

• One of you might prefer detailed planning (J), while the other thrives with flexibility (P). 

• One of you might analyze situations logically (T), while the other leads with empathy (F). 

• One might recharge by talking things out (E), while the other needs space to process (I). 

These differences can cause conflict if misunderstood. But with awareness, they become opportunities for teamwork and mutual growth. 

4. Reflect and Connect 
Here are a few prompts to guide a conversation about what you’ve learned: 

• What’s one way I can better love you based on your type? 

• What do you need from me during stressful moments? 

• How do our differences actually make us stronger as a couple? 

Even a short dialogue like this can build empathy and emotional intimacy. 

Why Personality Awareness Matters in Marriage 

Understanding each other’s personalities helps us move from judgment to curiosity. Instead of assuming your spouse is “wrong” for thinking or acting differently, you start to ask, “How are they seeing this situation? What do they need from me right now?” 

That mindset shift changes everything—from how you resolve conflict to how you plan your week.
 
And while the MBTI is a practical tool, it aligns beautifully with our faith. Romans 12:10 reminds us to “be devoted to one another in love. Honor one another above yourselves.” Learning how your spouse is uniquely designed is one way to live out that calling. It helps you love more deeply, serve more thoughtfully, and forgive more readily. 

At Encompass Connection Center, we believe healthy relationships don’t happen by accident. They’re built through intentional practices—like learning each other’s personality type, exploring your differences, and growing together over time. 

You don’t have to be a personality expert to take a step forward in your marriage. Just be willing to listen, learn, and lean into the gift of understanding each other better. 

So go ahead--take the assessment, talk it through, and enjoy the discovery. You might be surprised at how much it opens up your relationship. ​