Empty Nesting: The Risks, the Rewards, and a Choice That Still Shapes Us 36 Years Later

By Cindee Johnson
Relationship Champion and Encompass Partner

Our wedding was just a couple of months away. I was a divorced, single mom of two young children. Dave had never been married and had no children of his own. My kids bonded so well with him, and he fully supported my commitment to keeping their relationship strong with their birth father. 

One relaxing Friday evening in August 1989, while talking over dinner about our upcoming marriage, the subject of date nights came up. I wondered out loud, “Will we still do evenings like this once we’re married?” 

“Why, yes, we will.” 

And yes, we have. 

And yes, we still do--nearly 36 years later as empty nesters. 
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At the time, we had no idea how meaningful that decision would become. ​

The Risks of Empty Nest Life 

Becoming empty nesters comes with risks: disconnection, dissatisfaction, even divorce. 
Research shows: 

• Couples face a 40% higher chance of divorce after children leave home. 

• The over-50 divorce rate has doubled since the 1990s, and the over-65 rate has tripled. 

• Today, 33% of divorces involve people age 50 and older. 

• 55% of those occur in marriages lasting 20+ years.*

Experts agree the rise isn’t caused by one factor, but by a combination: unresolved issues buried during child-rearing years, over-investment in children while neglecting marriage, or adults reassessing life goals in major transitions like the empty nest. 

Yet, it doesn’t have to be that way. For us, a simple weekly date night has made all the difference. 

What Date Night Has—and Hasn’t—Done 

Has it made our marriage perfect? No. 

Has it kept us from disagreements? No. 

Has it shielded us from challenges that could have ended our marriage by the world’s standards? No. 

But here’s what it has done: week after week, date night reminded us that we were deeply committed to our relationship from the very beginning. 

And keeping that commitment hasn’t always been easy. 

As our two children grew, life filled up with youth group, music lessons, theater, sports, and more. Then came a call from God to adopt a 9-year-old with intellectual disabilities who had endured severe abuse and neglect. Years later, while our older kids were in college, we were called again—this time to adopt an 11-year-old who had suffered horrific trauma and faced challenges that placed our family at serious risk. 

Forget about date night, right? No. We held to it. Sometimes with excitement, sometimes too tired to do more than sit side by side, sometimes needing space to talk and pray through heartbreaking situations. No matter what, that commitment kept us connected. It wasn’t always simple—but it was always life-giving. 

Who Are We Now? 

When the nest empties, couples often find themselves, sitting at a much less crowded table, asking, “Who are we now?” 

For us, the answer is clear: we are two empty nesters who still look forward to our date nights—whenever we want. 

And yes, we still do. 

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If you and your spouse want to experience the lasting connection that comes from intentional investment—like Cindee and Dave discovered through their weekly date nights—Encompass Connection Center is here to help. Our RINGS Experience offers practical tools to strengthen communication, resolve conflict in healthy ways, and deepen your bond through every season of life. Don’t wait until the nest is empty to ask, “Who are we now?”—start building that answer together today. Learn more about the RINGS Experience here.
 
 
 
*Dillon, J. (2025, April 29). Empty nest divorce: A guide to divorce after kids leave home. Equitable Mediation. Retrieved from https://www.equitablemediation.com/resources/empty-nesters-divorce 
Stepler, R. (2017, March 9). Led by Baby Boomers, divorce rates climb for America’s 50+ population. Pew Research Center. Retrieved from https://www.pewresearch.org/short-reads/2017/03/09/led-by-baby-boomers-divorce-rates-climb-for-americas-50-population/ 
Wikipedia contributors. (2025). Grey divorce. In Wikipedia. Retrieved August 19, 2025, from https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Grey_divorce 
Carney-DeBord, J. (n.d.). Why more couples are getting a gray divorce. Ohio Executive Divorce. Retrieved from https://ohioexecutivedivorce.com/blog/gray-divorce