Dating and Engagement: Building a Foundation that Lasts

By Alexi Cherry
Administrative Assistant and Client/Donor Coordinator

My husband and I have been married for just about 6 months now, and it’s safe to say that we learned a lot during our seasons of dating and engagement. From the beginning, we were aligned in our desire to date well and with a purpose. In a world that treats dating casually, we wanted to be good stewards of the season the Lord had placed us in and approach it as something sacred, not passive. I believe that our personal faith and intentionality laid a strong foundation for our marriage and pray we will continue to benefit from that for years to come. ​

Dating with Intention, not Casually 

The concept of dating is one that is relatively new and doesn’t come with a “guidebook.” Because of that, the concept of dating well can often be debated and is typically shaped by personal convictions. We personally looked to Scripture often as we decided how we wanted to date, but regardless of your beliefs, healthy relationships are built on shared values, mutual respect, and intentional care. 

One of the most important things to look for early in your relationship is alignment. When two people are misaligned in their values, priorities, or goals for the future, tension grows and shows up in many areas of your relationship. Whether faith is central to you or not, shared faith and convictions about what matters most creates stability in a relationship. 

Qualities and characteristics like patience, kindness, honesty, gentleness, self-control, humility, and commitment are essential to strong and healthy partnerships. The purpose of dating is to discern whether or not the person you are with is a person you want to marry. As you get to know them, it is important to look past physical attraction and chemistry and consider their character. Ask yourself questions about what you want in a future spouse, and consider whether or not this person stands up to these qualities. These are the things that will matter long after the early excitement of a relationship fades.  

Boundaries are an important aspect of healthy dating at any stage of life. Boundaries will vary from relationship to relationship, but they protect trust, emotional safety, and mutual respect. If one partner has more conservative boundaries, it’s usually wise to honor those. If you or your significant other struggles to uphold boundaries, whether those be physical boundaries within your relationship, boundaries with other people, time spent with each other/others, media, etc., trust begins to erode. You want your future spouse to be someone who chooses integrity, even when it’s difficult. 
 
Engagement as Preparation, not a Trial 

I mentioned earlier that the purpose of dating is to discern whether this is the person you want to build your life with. If marriage isn’t the goal or you can’t see yourself marrying someone, it’s worth reevaluating the relationship. Being in a relationship that you can’t see lasting is a recipe for heartache. 

As you date, you’re learning to answer important questions. Do they treat me and other with respect? Do they handle conflict well? Do I feel safe? Can I see myself building a life with this person? These are a few of hundreds of questions you can answer in your time while dating, but ultimately, it is up to you to decide if you want to marry your significant other or not. If the answer is yes, engagement is the next step, not to have a "trial run” for marriage, but to prepare for it. 

Engagement should be a season of intentional preparation. It’s a time to have deeper conversations about expectations, communication, conflict, finances, family, and the kind of life you hope to create together. It’s also a season to seek guidance, mentorship, and support as you move toward a lifelong commitment. 

Dating and engagement are short seasons of life, but they shape your future in a significant way. Choose to walk through them with intentionality, wisdom, and care. Seek support when things are hard and prepare well for your future. 

If you are dating, engaged, or married and want to strengthen your relationship and its foundation, I encourage you to seek mentorship. The RINGS experience is a great place to start, giving you space to slow down, have meaningful conversations, and equip your relationship with strength and wisdom.  
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