a better marriage in 6 hours a week

By Theresa Mabry
Encompass Director of Operations

We’ve all seen those annoying clickbait ads that pop up when you’re browsing online: “Improve your marriage in just 6 hours a week!“ “Lose 40 pounds by Friday!” “Florida Man Finds 20-Foot Crocodile in his Basement!” But don’t dismiss us too fast. Encompass Connection Center really can help you with one of those things. We’ll let you guess which one... ​

Transitions in life are inevitable. Change will happen. Sometimes, it adds stress to your marriage. Whether you’re in a difficult season in your marriage or things are going great, these six tips can make a positive difference. Recommended by The Gottman Institute, these strategies can strengthen your marriage if you commit six hours throughout your week to being intentional about your relationship. Especially in transition seasons when you may feel like you and your spouse are distant relatives.  
 

1. Appreciations (5 minutes per day x 7 days = 35 minutes per week) - Dedicate just five minutes daily to telling your spouse what you appreciate about them. You can thank them for something they’ve done or just acknowledge a particular quality about them that you’re thankful for. This small but sincere, intentional admiration will make you each feel valued, loved, and seen by your partner. 

1. Partings (2 minutes per week x 5 days = 10 minutes per week) - This is a chance to say goodbye and have a brief conversation before you part ways for the day. This is a great opportunity to share information about your day or anything else noteworthy before you spend the day apart. We realize your spouse may leave before you wake up, or some other scheduling conflict may hinder your “Partings.” It can be done at any time of the day. Just ensure you’re intentionally taking a few minutes to share new information and get on the same page. 

1. Reunions (20 minutes x 5 days per week = 100 minutes per week) - This is a valuable time to look forward to when you get home at the end of the day. When you both come together in the evening (or whatever your schedule allows), share a hug and kiss that lasts at least 6 seconds, followed by a stress-reducing 20-minute conversation. This isn’t a time to bring up stressors or conflicts, but to simply catch up on your day and reunite with one another. 

1. Affection (5 minutes per day x 7 days per week = 35 minutes per day) - Before you go to bed, embrace one another, kiss, hug, hold hands, or progress to something more intimate. However you choose to show your affection, this is a time to come together, let go of minor stressors of the day, and express your affection for one another. 

1. Date night (2 hours, once per week) - Date night (or whatever time of day is best for you) is a great way to enjoy some focused “us” time. It could be romantic, or it could just be a shared enjoyable experience, like a sporting event or even watching a movie on the couch. Take time to ask one another open-ended questions to spark conversation. If you need this time to discuss stressful situations or concerns, set that expectation before the date so it’s not an unpleasant surprise. If you’re running out of ideas for date night, a book like 52 Uncommon Dates by Randy Southern could help you add creativity. 

1. State of the Union (1 hour, once per week) - Think of this as a couples meeting. Plan this time once a week to discuss areas of concern, share fears or worries, and process sticking points with one another. By scheduling this time, you’re not jumping into a tough discussion when you are emotionally charged and the other is unprepared. Ready yourself to get into the thinking part of your brain and be able to hear concerns and try to come up with solutions together. 

 
By intentionally setting aside time in your week for each of these essential touchpoints, you and your spouse can connect, discuss important matters, and show your love for one another, even during transition and change.