3 Mistakes Parents Make in Conflict — and How to Fix Them

By Abby Glaser
​Encompass Community Advocate

Parenting is hard. Full stop! As a mom of five, I’ve done a lot of things well over the years—and made plenty of mistakes too. One of the hardest areas to navigate is parenting during conflict. Anger, frustration, exhaustion, and a dozen other emotions can bring out the worst in any of us. Let’s look at three common mistakes parents make in conflict—and some practical ways to fix them.​​

1. “Because I’m the parent and I said so!” 

We’ve all been there—frustrated by a child who won’t listen and willing to say anything to end the conflict. The authoritarian approach can feel like the quickest way to restore peace, but does it really work long-term? You may win the battle, but you'll lose the war. 

Our children are learning lifelong conflict resolution skills from us—good or bad. Each tense moment is an opportunity to show them what healthy communication looks like. When we stay calm and express our needs respectfully, we’re modeling the same behavior we hope to see from them. While we still get the final say as parents, how we get there teaches our kids how to navigate disagreements long after childhood. 

2. Parenting in anger 

Sometimes there’s no one who can push our buttons quite like our children! Parenting is hard work—often thankless—and it can take years to see the results of that work. But when anger gets the best of us, our reactions can harm our connection with our kids. 

When we lash out in anger, it triggers the child’s amygdala—the “fight or flight” part of the brain. To them, our anger feels like danger. Their instinctive response may be to fight back or shut down, neither of which leads to healthy resolution. 

When you feel yourself heating up, take a time-out. (You can read more about how to do that here).  This is a perfect chance to model emotional regulation in real time. Kids learn that adults get angry too—but we can manage it in healthy ways. 
 
3. Micromanaging 

Every parent wants the best for their children. But sometimes that desire turns into micromanaging every part of their lives. It’s easy to believe we always know best—but that doesn’t mean our kids learn best that way. 

A crucial part of growth is letting children make their own decisions—and sometimes fail. Of course, there are big choices that belong to us as parents, like where they go to school or what activities they join. But there are plenty of smaller decisions kids can handle on their own. 

For example, I’ve always encouraged my kids to prepare their things the night before to make mornings easier. If one of them doesn’t and forgets something important at school? They know not to call me. That’s a natural consequence of their choice. It’s minor, but it builds personal responsibility. Allowing kids to make age-appropriate decisions—and helping them reflect when things don’t go well—sets the foundation for responsible, capable adults. 
 
Parenting will always come with mistakes. We’re human and we’re learning too. But every misstep is a chance to grow—for us and for our kids. 

If you’d like some extra support, our one-on-one parenting coaching can help you build more confidence and connection in your parenting journey. We’d love to help you be the best parent you can be!