Those new seasons of life

By Lavern Nissley
Encompass Relationship Facilitator

What do all of the following have in common?

Meeting a new baby brother. Entering kindergarten. Moving to a new state. Graduating from high school or college. Starting a new job. Getting married. Welcoming a new baby. Selling/buying a new home. Seeing your grown children leaving home. Caring for aging parents. Becoming grandparents. Retiring from a job you loved.

​Any trends you recognize?

Each is a new season of life - all of which I (and most people living to about age 70) have experienced. I could have added several more traumatic events such as losing a spouse, having a debilitating accident or disease, watching your home burn down.

The reality of life is progressing through seasons with a continual cycle of starting, concluding, and adjusting to the next major change. What are some relationship tips and tools to navigate these new seasons in a healthy manner?

• Celebrate the past season, but let it go and move on. This is especially challenging when the previous season has been mostly positive and full of joy. When we became empty-nesters in 2008, we experienced several days of sadness and loss. We realized that the season of having Jessica, Josh, and Kristen living at home as they had would never happen again. Fortunately, we soon embraced the upsides to our new season! Like lower food costs and being able to walk around the house without clothes. But we love having our children and grandchildren together for visits!
• Allow adequate time to adjust to the new normal. All transitions to a new season, whether positive or negative, require time to adjust and minimize disorientation. For me, that transition period has often been about 4-6 weeks - more or less. When we entered the season of caring for four aging parents in 2019 there was definitely a learning curve to discovering what works and what doesn't. The disorientation of experiencing swapped parent-child roles was challenging! In time, however, we came to feel more of a rhythm and harmony as both we and our parents adjusted to the changed season.
• Celebrate the new season, but hold it loosely. Another season change is likely coming. Ronda and I recently retired as Encompass co-directors after leading the cause from January, 2005-May, 2024. We thoroughly enjoyed this season of working together with each other, with many gifted staff, board members, and community partners to make a difference in relationships. But retirement is definitely worth waiting for! We have been able to be more selective in where and how we serve. Traveling and picking up new opportunities have been fruitful and fulfilling. We love this season, but we know it won't last forever.
• Communicate, communicate, communicate. That's important in every transition to a new season because adjustments affect our emotions. Likely you know very well what it feels like to be anxious, fearful, frustrated, overwhelmed. Talking about how you're doing in a safe and supportive setting is healthy for you and those you do life with. For Ronda and me, the current reality of aging and dealing with health concerns have occupied some of our post-retirement adjustments. I'm so glad we began regular patterns of checking in on each other years ago so that we can approach every challenge and change as a team.

Regardless of the season you are starting or leaving, know that Encompass Connection Center has truly valuable resources to help you navigate in a healthy way. The RINGS Course modules on Stress and Anger are particularly relevant and helpful.

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