The difference between what is true and truth

By Lavern Nissley
Encompass Relationship Facilitator

"True" and "truth" certainly sound the same, and they are related. But by the time you finish reading an embarrassing anecdote of mine you'll see a subtle difference between the two and that people may employ one or the other for a reason.

​Here's the embarrassing personal story . . .

While living in Cincinnati for 16 years 1978-1994 I had the opportunity to work as a management consultant with an emphasis upon healthy relationships and how to help workplace teams interact with more positive outcomes.

On my way to visit with a potential client in north Cincinnati my car ran out of gas. I had failed to notice the fuel gauge, and within 5 miles of leaving home on a 10-mile trip the dreaded "sputter-sputter" of the engine occurred. I don't think I cursed, but I remember thinking it had to be Ronda's fault for leaving me with an empty gas tank!

This happened well before cell phones, so I walked about a half mile to a phone booth in Forest Park with the intent of letting the potential client know what's up.

While walking to the phone booth I began considering how I would frame this situation. Two major options came to mind. I could say . . .

• "Hey, very sorry - I need to reschedule as I'm having some car trouble." The would be TRUE. An out of gas car is definitely in trouble!
• "Hey, I'm really embarrassed - I ran out of gas, and I need to reschedule. I'm so sorry." That would be TRUTH.

So, what is the difference between these two options? What might motivate me to use one or the other?

The first statement (TRUE) on having some car trouble puts me in a more positive light and avoids my needing to take responsibility with the client for an embarrassing oversight.

The second statement (TRUTH) of my car running  out of gas just puts it out there without any spin and risks losing the client while taking the high road to being trustworthy. 

What do you think you'd say? Want to hear how this turned out?

I confess that many times in my life I've put the "what is TRUE" spin on a situation to avoid casting myself in a negative light. In this situation, however, I just told the TRUTH, admitting my oversight and requesting that we reschedule.

The potential client was gracious and gladly rescheduled.

Here's where it gets interesting. When we actually met in the next week or so, the client admitted to me that he was having an affair on his wife and wondered whether he should let her know. It was eating him alive to be keeping such a secret, and every phone call had him holding his breath for fear that she had discovered the affair.

Two responses took place quickly within my brain. First, I was so glad I had gone with the TRUTH response when contacting him to reschedule. How ironic that the topic he wanted to meet about was related to TRUTH.

Second, I responded that either way (whether he told her about the affair or whether she found out some other way), his wife was going to be devastated. However, for him to tell her the TRUTH would be less damaging than spinning toward what is TRUE or her finding out some other way.

He thanked me for my input and resolved to tell her that evening. 

People who habitually opt for that which may be TRUE versus what is TRUTH eventually don't even bother with trying to keep it in the realm of TRUE/TRUTH. Outright falsehoods and lies now become the norm. Unfortunately, this happens a lot in the run up to election day. Political ads are all about making your opponent look really bad.  What better way to accomplish that than by spinning toward what is TRUE or even just going straight to LIES.

I don't know whatever became of the man that I chose to tell the TRUTH about running my car out of gas. But I do know that going with TRUTH versus what is TRUE typically has the more positive outcomes in my own life.

Please join me in personally committing to that which is TRUTH. People around us will have a higher degree of trust and respect as we do.