Parenting in Blended Families

By Kristin Engler
​Guest Writer
​Kristin lives in Powell, Ohio with her husband, Jason, and they share four children in their blended family. Kristen and her family attend Newstart Church in Delaware and have a heart and passion to see blended families thrive. 

“No parent gives mercy better than one who is convinced that he desperately needs it himself.”  Paul David Tripp ​

Truer words were never spoken about parenting, but these words become even more emphasized in the child/parent relationship challenges that show up in blended families. There are many lessons God has taught me on the journey of life, but perhaps one of the most important has been what He’s demonstrated in our family by teaching us to love all of our children equally, regardless of blood. My husband, Jason, and I married in 2017 and each of us brought 2 kids to the marriage.  Our ambitions of a cohesive and happy family were short-lived, as we began to navigate custody battles, children in various degrees of abuse and trauma, and even things like loyalty conflicts and jealousy. Jealousy? Certainly, you mean that of a child to their stepparent, right? Friends, I’m here to tell you that all the emotions have been present, for each of us, children and adults alike. We never could have foreseen the complexity of what we would navigate as we learned to parent our children together. What I know to be true is that ONLY with God can we truly learn what it means to love our children and our stepchildren and know them the way He does.  ​

We must recognize in a blended family that we didn’t just marry our spouse; we married into the relationships with their children and all the complexity they bring as well--and we have to trust that our spouse will do the same. Much like anything in life, I do not believe we have as humans inherently have this ability. It is only with God that we can learn to love so graciously.

“A new command I give you: love one another. As I have loved you, so you must love one another.” John 13:34
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God is love, He is the definition of what it means to love, and as a result, I have seen Him teach me to love even through the most difficult circumstances. A blended family is often borne out of some form of loss--divorce, death, or separation and children do not choose to be in their new family.  We need to allow them space, time to adjust, and to not force things on them. Jason and I learned it was okay, and even valuable, to continue fostering the family of 3 that we each brought into the marriage, while relying on God to teach us to see and love all our children through His eyes. We must depend on God, be honest about our emotions and struggles, and give Him time to change our heart and circumstances. And what I’ve discovered is He absolutely can.

If I’ve learned anything in this season of parenting in our blended family, it is that I have a lot to learn. I believe God brought Jason and I together and that our marriage is a chance for our children to see God’s plan for marriage in their own lives, a chance at redemption. As I pause and reflect on all the lessons He has taught us in these years, perhaps the most important is that the more we give to God, the more He can do through us. It is often said that as parents age, we gain wisdom. I’m not entirely sure that’s accurate. I think instead, as we age, we realize more and more our lack of wisdom and understanding, and it is in that lack where God reveals Himself more meaningfully in our lives, and our parenting. 

“Each time he said, ‘My grace is all you need. My power works best in weakness.’ So now I am glad to boast about my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ can work through me.”
2 Corinthians 12:9 

So, what’s the secret to parenting in a blended family? It’s not a secret, it is only through our Heavenly Father that we can truly learn to love one another, parent all our children with grace, and provide a vision of His plan for our marriage and family for our future. 

If you would like help with parenting, ECC's Parenting for Kids' Sake program is here for you! Take our free Parenting Assessment and reach out to us today to schedule a complimentary intake appointment!​​