Breaking out from the prison of unforgiveness

By Lavern Nissley

Forgiveness isn't easy, but it's so necessary to avoid living in confinement or "in prison".

This brief video clip comes from the TV show Code Black. Dr. Leanne Rorish visits the man in prison who killed her husband and two children as a drunk driver. Notice their use of the word "prison" to describe their pre-forgiveness situation.

So, how were these two characters impacted by the act of forgiveness? It seemed to bring freedom to both, right?

Then why don't people move more intentionally toward forgiveness? Likely because they are unaware of what forgiveness ISN'T.

Forgiveness is NOT . . .

• Forgetting about the offense - Forgiveness is not about erasing the memory, but about healing it.
• Diminishing the severity of the offense - It's important not to minimize a hurtful experience.
• Condoning or excusing what the offender did - Most offenders have been hurt themselves - that's all of us, but hurting others is never excusable.
• Dependent upon the offender’s apology - We might never get an apology, so basing forgiveness upon someone else's action puts us in bondage to them.
• Absolving the offender’s guilt - This really isn't our realm; it is more of a spiritual and legal issue.
• Necessarily reconciling with the offender - Reconciliation requires 2 parties; forgiveness only requires 1 person.
• Being pain-free of the offense - Even with support and counseling, it's still normal to feel pain; usually it can subside with time.
• An automatic restoration of trust - Forgiving someone doesn't mean you trust them, or that you should trust them; the best remedy for broken trust is trustworthiness by the offender.

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