Avoiding counterfeit love: 3 telling characteristics

Since February is known as the "month of love", we are focusing on topics related to Real, True Love.

By Lavern Nissley
Encompass Executive Director

You've likely heard that bank tellers are trained to detect counterfeit currency by handling authentic denominations of money. Then, when counterfeit money comes along, it feels different.

The same is true for understanding real, true love. Our culture has many definitions and applications of love that just don't rise to the level of the real thing. Let's look at three characteristics of real, true love.

Before looking at three characteristics of real love, let's establish that the highest definition of love is more related to actions than feelings. Loving pizza or apple pie is quite different from loving your spouse or your children.

1. Real, true love is unconditional. It activates regardless of circumstances or reasons NOT to. That is the core connotation of one of the four Greek words for love, agape. The Christian faith recognizes God's unconditional act of love in giving his only son, Jesus, to die for our sins when no one deserved it at all. All of us relate to people who don't deserve or earn our love; in fact, they sometimes make it downright impossible! But unconditional love is the real thing.
2. Real, true love is others-centered. The difference is monumental between someone who is selfish while only looking out for their own interests and someone who puts others first. People feel valued and grateful when sacrifices are made for them. I believe I could list at least 50 people in my life that fit this description of real, true love. My relationship with them is quite different from the people in my life where it's all about them.
3. Real, true love is patient and kind. How many weddings have you attended where the definition of love from the Love Chapter (I Corinthians 13) was read? "Love is patient, love is kind . . ." The impact upon relationships by even unilateral (one-way) kindness is incredible. Shaunti Feldhahn, author of The Kindness Challenge: Thirty Days to Improve Any Relationship found that 89% of relationships improved as a result of kindness.

This may be hard to hear, but if your expression of love ISN'T unconditional, others-centered, or patient and kind . . . it is most likely counterfeit. I encourage you to consider every single encounter you have, especially within that smaller circle of close acquaintances, and evaluate how real and true your love is.
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We're glad to help you navigate currently stressed relationships where it's hard to love.

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